Confusing Red Flags to Look Out For [Video by Matthew Hussey]

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Transcript provided by YouTube:

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you know to come back after two weeks
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and be like I love you I want to make it
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work it’s like but you didn’t say that
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you’d had this sudden change of heart
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you said for two years
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you’ve been lying to yourself
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[Music]
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she said that somebody said to her I
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haven’t loved you these past two years
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and I was lying to both of us they ended
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things and two weeks later he came back
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into her life and said I need you in my
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life I love you let’s try again that is
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very confusing so he said to her I never
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loved you I don’t want to be with you
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anymore then he came back two weeks
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later and said
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I need you in my life I love you let’s
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try again what does it mean my instant
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reaction to that is that he discovered
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he can’t swim
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you know he he he got bored of the boat
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he was on maybe he never maybe he really
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didn’t enjoy the boat that much
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but he jumped ship
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and then as soon as he was in the water
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he went ah help I can’t swim and then he
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started swimming back to the boat
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he’s like throw me a raft
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and maybe he tried to get on a different
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boat and the boat was like absolutely
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not getting on my boat yeah I mean maybe
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he just realized like oh there’s not
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there’s not you know I didn’t
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immediately
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find another boat there’s it was like it
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was just open sea and that was
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terrifying maybe a boat came by full of
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pirates he thought he was going to have
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a better time swimming
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and he realized he you know either
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didn’t have the stamina for it wasn’t as
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strong a swimmer as he thought because
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it that’s the other thing you have to if
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you’re really gonna be happy you have to
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be able to jump ship and then be okay
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just swimming
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as opposed to getting straight back on
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another boat and if you suddenly realize
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if you were banking on having another
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boat immediately that’s a problem and if
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you don’t
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and you’re just out there
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swimming you’ve you have to learn how to
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be a strong swimmer and a lot of people
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aren’t willing to do that a lot of
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people are
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so unhappy single they’re terrified of
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that so when it’s not what they thought
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it would be
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they go back and what they say is love
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like I’ve realized the error of my ways
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or whatever you can translate that to
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I’m terrified
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I am so terrified I don’t love you any
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more than I did two weeks ago
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I’m just terrified
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and I’m calling that love now so that
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was actually my question in this
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instance would you say that he believes
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he loves her or is he just saying that
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as a way of getting back no maybe
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because he realizes he’s really messed
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things up well what’s the first thing he
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said again because it was pretty dark I
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haven’t loved you these past two years I
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was lying to both of us that is so dark
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actually it’s a long time to have been
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just going um you know and look it’s
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honest
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she’s Audrey and she is angry
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take the metaphor to such a dark place
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um he
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I’m sure everyone else will agree it was
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you meant a metaphorical drowning sort
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of a hitting of Rock Bottom single that
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made him change his ways and realized
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that he needed to do some real healing I
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don’t know not dying or like great white
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shark
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what’s the Giant Octopus right that’s a
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bad way to go I don’t know who who’s who
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is the octopus in this metaphor what
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what is the oxygen age
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it gets darker so I mean sorry yeah I
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don’t I I think that it’s um it’s just
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quite a statement to say that for two
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years you haven’t really been
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feeling you know what you’d like to be
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feeling it’s also a really nasty thing
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to say to someone I don’t think that’s I
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think that’s a little bit too much
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information
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really I haven’t loved you for two years
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I mean it’s yeah it’s a hell of a thing
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to say to someone I think it just sounds
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like maybe a guy who’s
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at the whims of his emotions a lot that
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sounds like it was said during a fight
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or a breakup and he goes off and he just
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like again is a little bit manic with
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his decision making and his love life
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there’s something very childish about
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coming back after two weeks uh and not
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addressing what
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you know the
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what you will have just done to
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someone’s reality to their self-esteem
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to to say that for two years you’ve been
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living in this unreality with me
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thinking that it’s reality that you know
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to come back after two weeks and be like
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I love you I want to make it work it’s
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like but you didn’t say that you’d had
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this sudden change of heart you said for
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two years
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you’ve been lying to yourself he said he
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has no heart
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how do how do you on how do you how do
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you come back from that in that moment
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that’s going to take he you know that
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that that seems to me a very flippant
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way to come back so Jameson might be
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right about someone being at the mercy
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of their emotions flippant and confusing
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and selfish to come back after two weeks
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and what you’ve just done to someone’s
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reality
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uh is a is a very selfish thing to do
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because there’s clearly work to be done
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and there’s no way he did it in two
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weeks next one we have oh I love this
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one I can’t give you a title but I act
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like your boyfriend aren’t actions
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enough for you brilliant was that Harry
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to Meghan Markle
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oh wow
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very good Stephen that’s very good there
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you go that’s really good very good
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because you can’t get a title because
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it’s good English humor yeah that’s
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really very witty Stephen
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monarchy banter
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I feel like we made a video but here’s
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this person is the reason we had to make
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that uh that video we used to say like
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don’t listen to what they have to say
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watch watch their actions and then we
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had to change it where it’s like no you
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have to watch their actions and their
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words and you have to believe whatever
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one is less likely do I need I need to
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explain this now because that was very
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confusing oh I I know exactly the train
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of thought you were you were going on
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now of course because this is the
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addendum isn’t it yeah
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it’s probably causing the confusion that
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made us have to make this next video so
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let me start at the beginning the the
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point we’ve made for a very long time is
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watch someone’s actions not their words
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which on some level we’ve all heard
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before right if someone treats you badly
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but they say they love you and that you
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mean so much to them but they treat you
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really poorly then their actions are
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what matter not their words
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but
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there is a caveat to that we realized
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from years of coaching people because
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there would be many examples where just
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like in the case of this guy
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a woman would come to us and say but he
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all of his actions say the right things
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he comes to my house I go to his house
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we’ve met each other’s friends we hang
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out all the time we text all the time we
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talk all the time he behaves completely
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like my boyfriend
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so if I were to measure him by his
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actions not his words I would say
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this is great this is exactly what I
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want except
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his words are I’m not looking for a
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relationship or I can’t commit to you
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right now or in this case I can’t give
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you a title which is the same thing I
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don’t want to be exclusive I don’t want
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to be or even if they are exclusive I’m
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not actually able to handle the reality
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of that which is that I’m actually in a
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relationship with someone that the the
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intention of which is for it to go
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somewhere not stand still and by not
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accepting any kind of title it’s
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possible for them to just be stuck in
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time together without any real what it
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says at the at worst it says I want to
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sleep with other people and a title
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stops me doing that at best it says I
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can’t handle the idea that in any way
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I’m committed
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which even if he’s acting as your
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boyfriend in practice is a problem
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because it says this person can’t
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psychologically get them to a place of
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get themselves to a place of thinking in
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terms of building something
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so you will stand still with this person
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albeit giving you the attention that a
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boyfriend would you’ll stand still for
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with this person for uh as long as it
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takes for you to realize it’s not
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actually moving forward or for as long
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as it takes for him to bail because he
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finally says I can’t do this out loud
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so what he’s saying is I want my cake uh
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and to eat it and I’m telling you uh you
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know why do you need a title I’m already
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doing all of the right things in his
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mind it’s like I can walk away with ease
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at any time as long as we don’t have a
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title yeah I think he needs to go into
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the sea as well I think a simple model
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for this is actions are greater than
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words
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unless the words are unhelpful for your
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penis
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and what and if I were to decode what
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Jameson said because I know that is
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gonna need some deciphering if he says
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something that and Jameson’s right if a
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guy says something that is going to hurt
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his chances of getting laid or might
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hurt his chances of getting laid you can
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absolutely believe that thing that he
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says
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because no guy wants to do that
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and and telling someone I don’t want to
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give you a title could make you go the
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other direction so if he’s saying that
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he’s showing a genuine resistance to the
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very concept of a relationship
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but he also is enjoying all of what the
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kind of feeling of a relationship can
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give him
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thanks for decoding me Matt yo no you’re
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so welcome you get me we decode we
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decode each Audrey just wants him and
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wants to throw him into the sea yeah
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could you stop just making everyone
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you’re not even making them walk the
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plank what sort of medieval
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medieval way of killing someone is that
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they must be thrown into the sea yeah
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what the new phrase of the podcast get
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they can get in the sea it’s a common
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phrase have you never heard of it it
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just came from a metaphor I made up no
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it’s a common phrase get in the suit get
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in the sea yeah
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I’ve heard getting the bin well it’s a
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it’s an A variation on getting the bin
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so you and all your girls back in
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England say get in the seat we used
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did you really yeah 100
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throw him under the ocean a bunch of
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Cockney Pirates
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[Laughter]
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um
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you literally did say that and I took it
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back I took it back come on I took it
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back you have to admit this guy’s a toe
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idiot yeah no I just I don’t want to
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wish death on him just to swim and
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struggle for a while
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before you go I have a free video for
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you to watch over at
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moveonstrong.com if you right now keep
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obsessing over somebody that you are
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struggling to get over maybe because
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part of you wants them back but you also
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kind of know that might be a terrible
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idea but also part of you wants to move
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on but you don’t know how because you
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don’t feel strong enough
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go watch this video I promise you it’s
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going to help the link is
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moveonstrong.com and it’s free I’ll see
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you there

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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