Counterintuitive Advice to Help You Finally Unlock Your Potential

You know you’re capable of more, right?

But to get there, you should probably be harder on yourself.

I’m tough on myself. There’s nothing mean you can say to me I haven’t already said 6 inches away from a mirror, finger pointed, brow furrowed.

Because I want the best for myself.

And in a quest to figure this out, I became obsessed. I tried coaches, read books, listened to podcasts, watched videos.

You get it. I looked it up.

But what I found is a lot of what worked for me was the stuff people don’t say because it doesn’t sound good.

Do yourself a favour and cut against the grain. Future you will be grateful.

#1. Be self-obsessed

Other people will never care as much about you as you do.

When we fall out with someone, it’s normal to focus on what they did. To point the finger. To feel hurt. But the truth is, we’re never completely innocent.

The key to moving on is recognising what we might need to apologise for too. Perhaps even first.

How did we contribute? What blame lays at our door?

Focus on your locus of control. On yourself and your actions.

The keys to your contentment lie in your ability to retake power over your actions and reactions. Don’t be at the mercy of other people’s treatment of you.

Take the wheel.

#2. You don’t need to be 1% better everyday

Personal development is awesome. But it can quickly turn into a circle jerk if you’re just giving yourself a pat on the back for every small win, and obsessing over hitting some arbitrary daily goal of improvement.

You start to mistake the measure for what matters.

You don’t want to be longing for the future you 2.0 upgrade remix so much you neglect the present. Don’t forget to actually enjoy the process. Right now.

Understand that sometimes it’s taking the time to stop, reflect, catch your breath, and chill out that give you the fuel to move up a gear later.

And the right rest can turn that into rocket fuel.

#3. Stop trying to be happy

Your desire for bubble bath comfort and a life without friction is making you miserable.

Sometimes a little discomfort today is exactly what you need to be ready for tomorrow.

Because it’s all relative. Today’s happiness is tomorrow’s new normal.

Chasing ‘happiness’ makes you fixate on the unrealistic. You have an image in your head of a life you think will give you this mystical joy: endless sunset cocktails and hours a day to read your favourite novels. And no job, or at least a job you’re 100% passionate about and love.

This isn’t realistic. For most of us, the best we can hope for is things not to suck all the time. Because you can’t control the weather. You can only make sure you’ve got a brolly and some sunglasses.

Aim for a life you can be content with. Friends you like. Hobbies you enjoy. A partner you love and who loves you. And something to get out of bed for.

And don’t get complacent.

Every now and then take some time to imagine how you’d feel if what you have was suddenly taken away.

#4. Stop adding things

Most self-help advice seems to center around what to do: meditate, eat well, sleep a ton, buy my course, and so on.

But often the biggest impact you can have overnight is to cut out the things that we know hurt us.

This isn’t to say you can never add anything. But when you’re invested in your own development, it can be tempting to constantly search for the next thing.

But after a few months of looking into most things, you’ve already got the base knowledge. Now it’s time to knuckle down.

Find a few things that resonate. Try them out. Then dial in on the most effective. Now become an expert at that. Try again every now and then to keep things fresh.

Boom. Bet you’re already 10X better off than you were.

#5. Be mean

The world will always benefit from more love and kindness. But kindness doesn’t mean weakness. Sometimes we need to be cruel to be kind.

When you hate something about yourself, or the world, or your job, use that as fuel to change it.

This does not mean be a bully. Just use that frustration as the motivation to do something constructive. Be the solution, not the cause.

Your anger is a gift. Use it.

Conclusion

The internet runneth over with life advice.

Don’t be afraid to rage against common wisdom to find the keys to your own success.

Life isn’t about absolutes. It’s about balance.

Here are 5 counterintuitive nuggets of advice that’ll help you unlock your potential:

Be self-obsessed: Sometimes you need to dial in on yourself and your behaviour. Don’t just be self-aware. Sometimes you need to fixate on yourself and your behaviour to help you upgrade and take it to the Pepsi Max.
You don’t need to get 1% better everyday: Don’t torment yourself with an arbitrary goal. Sometimes you need to enjoy how far you’ve come, and give yourself space to not be perfect.
Stop trying to be happy: Don’t chase a life you think will make you happy. Focus instead of being content with what you have.
Stop adding to your life: Try subtracting instead. Because it’s not just about embracing new things. Sometimes you need to cut back to the minimum.
Be mean: Don’t be afraid to give yourself a bit of tough love. Because the world can be tough, and if you’re only conditioned for the sunny days, you’ll really struggle when it rains.

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Want to read more leadership articles? Here are some good places to start:

The Secrets to Writing Online Consistently

Practical Ways to Use Criticism to Empower You

Leadership Is Like Working Out

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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