When you’re in a tiff with your partner, you probably aren’t thinking about how you’re changing the concentration of your body’s hormones for years to come. New evidence suggests that the way you fight with our partner could do just that; create long-lasting changes to your biology.
You may have heard about cortisol, the stress hormone released from our bodies when our “fight or flight” response is activated. One interesting thing about cortisol is that it’s not only released when we’re under threat. Cortisol is actually released every day, throughout the day, according to a biological rhythm. When our physiological stress systems are healthy, we release more cortisol in the morning (think of a “get up and go” response) and it tapers off throughout the day until its lowest level at night (allowing us to snooze when it’s appropriate to).
But, when we’re chronically stressed, we might not have the same “get up and go” cortisol response. And, our cortisol levels might stay high even into the night, keeping us wired even when we don’t want to be; ever been laying in bed at night just waiting for sleep to come? The way you communicate with your partner could be a culprit. These cortisol patterns are an indicator of how well our stress systems are functioning day-to-day.
In a study conducted by my colleagues and I, published in Family Relations, 62 couples provided saliva samples throughout 2 days to study their cortisol rhythms. They also came into the lab and completed an interesting task: they talked about their biggest relationship issues in front of a camera.
Analyses on our data suggested that when men used more positive communication behaviors (think physical affection, humor, and support) and less negative communication behaviors (think defensiveness, withdrawal, and physical aggression), both they and their partners’ displayed healthier cortisol patterns. In contrast, less positivity in relation to negativity was associated with rhythms of cortisol release that suggested a malfunctioning stress system.
Given that the functioning of our biological stress systems has big implications for our overall health, it could be that the way you communicate with your partner (especially you, guys!) is messing with your stress system and thus making you sick. Couples therapy and marriage counseling may benefit your health. Work on your communication with your partner and you’ll stay healthier, longer.
If you live in Colorado, you can schedule an online therapy session with Tasha by visiting www.TashaSeiterTherapy.com, emailing [email protected] or calling (970)335–9190
Subscribe for more advice on love and life at www.TashaSeiterTherapy.Com/#subscribe
References
Seiter, N. S., Lucas-Thompson, R. G., & Henry, K. L. (2019). Couples’ Communication Behaviors and Diurnal Cortisol Patterns. Journal of Family Issues, 40(18), 2871–2892.
—
Previously published on medium
***
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want a deeper connection with our community, please join us as a Premium Member today.
Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: on iStock