Cultivating Awareness of Feeling

It’s strange to say, but the body has more to share with us than we recognise.

Western culture has dissected and objectified the body into a series of mechanical process. The old science even said that we could not change the genes that we were given and that the body is to be endured. Now epigenetics is discovering this narrative to be narrow.

The old narrative fitted with the idea of domination over nature; it shows the disconnect between mind and body. As a culture, the west completely objectified the natural world, and therefore it allowed violence, callousness, heartlessness. That’s reflected on the inside too.

We treated our bodies as objects to be mastered, pushed, crushed into shape.
Crushing the body allowed a lot of progress and a lot of hardship.

Creativity is a purely cooperative state; imagine what we could do if we were innovative with our bodies. If we allowed ourselves to create with it; to cooperate with alongside it.

Sometimes referred to as the mind-body connection.

There are endless sensory levels to the body; this is the spiritual and the human path. The hero’s journey is coming back to the body.

As a child and a young adult, I stayed as ‘out of my body’ as possible. I survived through trauma, I grit my teeth, clenched my jaw, and set my chest tightly down over the pain, and I pushed through like the warrior that men are taught to be in the west: reliable, solid, a rock, always dependable.

Then we lock up anyone that snaps under pressure. Good work culture.
I’m grateful for this period of my life; I learned some valuable lessons. I learned how to meditate, feel and respond to energy work, I learned how to channel those energies, and I sought knowledge and wisdom from all of the world’s ancient traditions, including the esoteric ones that were out of fashion.

I think it’d be fair to say that I was deep into spiritual bypassing. I was far away and out in the clouds, and I gained a circle of people who were also as disconnected from their bodies as I was. It was hard to see that, and it started to dawn on me slowly.

I engaged in psychotherapy, after meeting people who had been through similar struggles, and healed their version of the journey. A few steps ahead of me, they guided me to my next steps.

In life, it seems we have to expand into the stretch zone; out into the uncertainty, until we find people who are embodying the things that we recognise that we want — the mentors and guides.

It’s impossible to find them whilst sitting on a meditation cushion in your house. I found that out.

Once I was a good way into my psyche exploration in therapy, I began to come across true spirituality; the preconceptions, prejudices, and assumptions I had about religion began to fall away. I don’t follow a set religion, yet, I don’t hate it now, I don’t write people off like I used to.

If someone has a belief, then I respect that belief.

The world is a vast and colourful tapestry of beliefs, and they are all ways of interpreting the physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional worlds.

Besides, trying to change someone’s beliefs is bullying.

I began to recognise that the trauma experience had left imprints in my body and energy field. Specific memories were coming back to me in feelings, and those feelings commonly felt in the same ways in my body.

I came across the idea of embodied spirituality; taking the spiritual aspects of life and integrating them with the felt experience, responding and observing the bodily process of sensory information, embracing that wisdom.

The book ‘Blink’ [link] tells me that the amount of processing that we all do that is rational is very minimal. The neo-cortex — the ‘thinking’ brain, developed to interpret the limbic brain. It’s vital to live in our wise, integrated, and thinking selves.

However, the more integration we can do, the more our bodily responses will be harmonious, and useful.

I’ve learned that the common feeling states are:
Anger, sadness, numbness, shame, joy.

I feel these all over my body, in different ways.

Shame comes to me in a numb and cold head, a heavy feeling on my forehead; slightly tingling, sweaty palms.

Sadness sits heavily on my chest, makes me feel heavy and lethargic; apathetic. It often evolves into a ‘what’s the point?’ attitude.

Anger still comes to me in a tight jaw, clenched teeth, a fire feeling in my gut, that rises in my core up to my chest. I have learned to deal with anger, especially; to breathe, observe it, and ask my body what the anger is trying to protect. If the anger doesn’t subside in 90 seconds, it’s likely trying to mask fear or grief. Rage is a little different and probably needs a therapist or counsellor to work with you on that.

In observing these different states, I can become aware of when I exist in them quicker, interpret them, and understand my life journey. That allows me to be much clearer on my values and purpose in life.

I’m no longer navigating my feelings, just trying to survive the maelstrom. I have space to respond.

This is easier some days than others.

I have started to work with somatic practitioners to understand the body sensually. How the body sits when I’m in elegance, pride, tempo, love. To navigate and guide myself with my body, through life.

I’ve been engaging with an audio CD called the Somatic Descent, which takes Vajrayana Tibetan Buddhist concepts and allows me to feel into my body. To feel the tension in my toes, and release it to the Earth. It deepens the awareness into the body; the effects are extraordinary. I start to feel my body as a complete and vibrant entity.

It’s the next step in understanding the wondrous nature of the human body, and incredible journey.

Where are you on that journey?

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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