The Danger of Rejection to a Fragile Ego

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No one likes rejection. It simply doesn’t feel good for someone to not like or want what you have to offer.

There is a certain level of vulnerability in opening yourself up to the possibility of rejection. How well you handle it is definitely dependent on what you believe about yourself or what you tell yourself the rejection means.

As a writer, I have experienced rejection at a massive level.

I have submitted my work to receive all levels of “No, thank you.” Some people are kind and try to let me down easy. They tell me what they like about my work or tell me there is nowhere in their publishing schedule. Or, my work doesn’t meet the needs of their publication. While, others simply say, “thanks, but no thanks. Try again later.”

When I first began to submit my work, I took it personally. But, I had my own insecurities about my ability to write. I saw the rejection as confirming my fears and I injected them into the lines of the response letters as if the person said, “yes, your work sucks.”

As time went on, and I received feedback that is more favorable or my work was accepted and published, I stopped seeing rejection as having an underlying meaning other than, this is not right for me at this time.

The way I approach rejection now is to assume the timing is wrong or perhaps it was a wrong fit.

Sometimes, I see it as a challenge to step up my game and try something different. While other times, I see it as maybe it is somewhere I don’t need to be.

There have been times in my life where I experienced crushing rejection only to hear something about the person or the place later and figure out that my time had been saved. I have learned to be appreciative of someone not wasting my time or effort.

I heard, “rejection is protection.” I can say that I have adopted that ideology. I assume if it’s not working out that there is a reason that I can’t see and it’s most likely in my favor.

This is not the view of rejection we are given in movies as ideology.

The winner is the one with dogged determination. The guy who gets the girl is the one who ignores her rejection and pursues her anyway until she finally realizes that she loved him all along.

Sometimes, rejection may be a roadblock, but other times it is a stop sign. While it can be difficult to know when to give up, it’s important to figure out when it is time to let it go.

If your ego becomes wrapped up in validating your self-worth, that is usually a huge red flag to stop pursuing the thing rejecting you.

Sometimes, we pursue the thing or person who isn’t right for us just because we want to prove to ourselves that we can have it. It becomes an act of domination.

But, it comes from ego fragility instead of strength.

You see yourself needing a thing that is running away to show that you should be accepted, loved in return or admired. When you can have those same things with someone or something running towards you.

In the news daily are reports of women who have rejected the advances of someone or attempted to leave a controlling partner, who have subsequently lost their lives because that person couldn’t handle rejection.

Social media is making people less able to handle rejection as we become less personal in how we handle rejecting a person. We are becoming more apt to ghost, swipe left or “expose” someone through screenshots of messages with no thoughts of their feelings or mental stability. They are just someone behind the screen and not a real person.

This can have real consequences.

Rejection doesn’t have to be a bad thing or mean anything about your worth or value to other people. You can and should assume if someone or something has made you feel rejected that it is setting you up for something more aligned with making your life better.

In most instances, it will save you time and redirect your efforts to more of what you want than what you don’t want. It depends on what you choose to tell yourself about it.

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Have you read the original anthology that was the catalyst for The Good Men Project? Buy here: The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood