Date for Sex; Marry for Love?

So…the theory goes….in our late teens and early twenties, we experiment with as many sexual partners as we can…to sow our wild oats….to see what it’s like to have a one-night stand…to get drunk or stoned and experience the freedom, beauty, and recklessness that defines our youth.

Then….at some point…we change…

We love the adrenaline, excitement, and breathless wonder of uninhibited, no-strings-attached, animalistic, down-and-dirty sex…but we don’t tend to mary our one-night stands or a casual, carnal-based, romantic fling.

We tend to marry someone who is “right” for us. Someone with whom we’re compatible…right? I’m asking you.

But here’s what I’m getting at…if we all go through a “have sex with as many people as we can,” stage because it’s so exhilarating and enjoyable, what changes in our brains and psyches that makes us no longer crave those one-night stands and unplanned, sloppy, unpredictable, yet deliciously sexually satisfying romps?

In other words, do we ever really stop craving the chase…the flirtation…and the wild animal-like sex we once thought was the precursor to a genuinely loving, long-term relationship or marriage?

I, resoundingly, say NO!

From the moment we hit puberty until the day we die we will always be faced with sometimes unbearably strong impulses and temptations.

Humans are uniquely socially-sexually driven creatures.

Conversely, most animals flirt for one reason only….to have sex

Frogs will produce a deafening screech, birds will dance, and rabbits will fight, all with the intention of establishing their horniness and securing (conquering) mating behavior.

Animals don’t give a crap whether they’re breaking up a marriage or destroying a family by allowing innocent flirtatiousness to turn into wild, breathtaking, love-making….they flirt, strut, scream, sing, dance, and beg…and they either get laid….or they don’t.

We humans, supposedly, have some kind of switch, or “sex-saturated” meter, that completely changes our mindset and behavior.

Does there come a point where someone has had so many recreational-sex partners, that they feel like they’ve reached their fill…and no longer crave the adrenaline and dopamine hits from new, fresh, unexpected, sex?

Do we consciously tell ourselves it’s time to settle down and build a partnership with one person, YET, our subconscious mind continues to seek the same animalistic tendencies as monkeys and rabbits?

Are we cursed by our evolved, intelligent, contemplative, rational, brain, which scolds us for having a ravenous, barely containable libido?

I, resoundingly, say YES!

Healthy humans never stop wanting to flirt with strangers…and nonstrangers alike. Which is my theory as to why so many couples are experimenting with multiple partners and genders.

We are desperately trying to reconcile our animalistic and evolving human brains.

So many folks get stuck in that awful mental space where they still greatly love their spouses, yet are plagued by malaise and sexual itchiness where they feel a desperate sense of missing out on their “fair share” of breathlessness and rollercoaster-like, exhilaration.

We are actively evolving. Perhaps in a thousand…or a million years, we will evolve into more enlightened creatures and shed our animalistic underpinnings.

But in the meanwhile, we must make a choice:

Either surrender to our instincts and carnal desire — utilizing our uniquely human willpower by keeping flirtatiousness and temptation at bay — or we don’t. And if we don’t, we either admit (or don’t deny) our weaknesses of the flesh…or we live a duplicitous life and hope we don’t get caught.

Bottom line: We’re still wild animals at heart with all the associated innate, biologically driven sexual urges and we oftentimes exploit those desires in our youth.

But as we evolve from wild animals to sophisticated, civilized, intelligent human beings, many of us decide the trade-off is well worth it.

Besides…unlike baboons, birds, and frogs, we humans have something wild animals don’t — an active, robust, colorful, imagination — and opposing thumbs.

Love the one you’re with….but there’s no harm in flirting with someone who makes you feel young again….just keep it a fantasy of the mind.

Date for sex; marry for love? You tell me…

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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