I date like it’s an interview with the intention to get laid. Yeah, I know how that sounds. My best friend sighed when I told him that. Then he shook his head.
As an IT Manager, I have interviewed a lot of people. When I interview someone there’s a skills test. I like to throw an exceptionally hard question first. I don’t expect the applicant to answer this. What I’m interested in is how they react. Someone who can overcome the sweaty panic of missing the very first question and move on is a rare and valuable find. They generally make great employees because of that level head.
In dating, I like to see how my date reacts to the unexpected too. They are after all on a different sort of interview. We’re checking each other out to see if the clothes will come off, if the hearts could sync, if there’s chemistry.
When something goes wrong, check out how your date reacts. Guaranteed you’ll learn something useful to make a decision. The potential partner is showing you a lot of who they are in those small moments.
Dateus Interuptus
My date and I were on our way to a concert when we stopped to get gas. I climbed out of his pickup and stretched, then walked to the bathroom. My back, legs, and butt were sore and going numb. We’d been sitting in that semi-awkward silence that happens when two people who don’t know each other well are cooped up for an hour and a half. I was stiff and walked like a duck.
I was waddling very ungracefully to the bathroom waiting for the feeling to come back when a drunk guy decided to make his play. “What’s a woman who looks like you doin with a guy who looks like that?”
Ugh. Every single woman knows Drunk Guy Stud. The more he has to drink the better he thinks HE looks. This one was with a couple of friends in a truck that had seen better days. you can’t brush them off politely, because Drunk Guy Stud is convinced he’s doing you a favor if he convinces you to sit in his lap. The only way to get rid of them is to use drunk guy logic.
I looked up at his face, smiled brilliantly, and said “Oh, he’s GREAT in bed.”
We had never slept together. Turned out that we never would.
The drunk stumbled off and my date looked at me with narrowed eyes. “What did you do to make him come on to you?”
A Woman’s Fault
The date took a fast turn right there. He looked me up and down. I looked at my outfit: jeans a little worn at the knees, ankle boots, and a sweater. Little gold hoops. To mark the occasion I’d even thrown lipstick on. That little bit of red was the only concession I’d made to the fact that this was a date — we were going to a small concert hall/bar in Asheville, not the met. Not that it matters anyway.
“Why,” I asked with eyes narrowing, “Do you think a guy approaching ME is my fault?”
Date guy shrugged and said it just was and became ex potential date guy before the concert began.
For a certain type of potential partner, any attention you receive is your fault. They ask why that other person was looking at you, trying to talk to you, attempting to buy you a drink. This is the first red flag in the parade color guard marching your way. The person who will say It’s your fault someone hit on you is the same person who will not take responsibility for their emotions. They’ll blame you. Take a moment to sigh at the waste of a few hours of your life, then kick them to the curb as fast as possible.
How a person reacts to an interrupted or imperfect date gives you an insight into their character. Don’t turn these clues away.
The Shot Lands
A friend of mine we’ll call Ted went on a date with a woman he had been seeing for a year. They were at a bar in the pre-pandemic times when a guy walked up to Ted’s date and offered to buy her some wine.
She accepted.
Ted and his lady were exclusive and supposedly in love. She still took the drink and stood chatting with the date interrupter for a good twenty minutes before walking back to her date.
Ted was upset and she was oblivious. “But it would have hurt his feelings if I said no. And it’s not polite to take a drink and not chat for a while.”
“Wait,” I interrupted him. “But what about your feelings, getting disrespected like that?”
Ted shrugged and said, “She didn’t think about that.”
Ted and his girlfriend broke up a long and painful six months later. She never stopped needing validation, and also never stopped to consider him.
The Unexpected Happens
I went on another date not so long ago. I had bought tickets to an outdoor screening of A Clockwork Orange. Going to the venue was a little…surreal. There were people wearing white makeup, sugar skulls, and little kids. The kids were the kicker. I knew something was up.
“Oh,” said the bored ticket taker. Schedule was switched up. We’re not showing A Clockwork Orange anymore. Tonight’s movie is now Coco.”
Coco was definitely not the experience we had been talking about. After a small hassle to get a refund, we walked back to his car. The tips of his ears turned a little red and I wondered how he’d react. I had had a relationship with a man who had a bad temper. I’ve vowed never to do that again. I just don’t like the yellow cast my skin gets when a bruise heals.
Once we were alone in his car he looked at me solemnly and said, “Guess we forgot the makeup today.” The slight tension broke and we both cracked up laughing when we went to catch dinner. His smile flashed and I caught my breath. In that moment he was the most gorgeous man, inside and out. I knew I wanted to see him again.
The ridiculousness of Clockwork Orange to Coco has become one of our favorite in-jokes. And that ability of his to see the adventure and humor when stuff goes wrong is a definite plus. It’s great to know someone is steady when the world throws you a curveball. Watching how he reacted when the weird happened was a definite look into his character.
We’ve now been dating for over two years.
Consider how your date reacts when the unexpected happens. If your reservations are lost, does he lose his cool? How is she when the order is lost? If the picnic you planned gets rained out, does he have the imagination to suggest a picnic in the living room — or in the bed? Dating and life will always throw the unexpected your way. Better to pick a partner who can take the weird and make great memories with you. You’ll be happier that way.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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