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If the women you hope to date all seem hesitant or even uncomfortable around men, it’s because they are.
Men are, both historically and currently, huge sources of trauma and stress in their interactions with women. Does this mean all men are harmful? Of course not. But is it reasonable for women to distrust men in their initial interactions? Absolutely.
So what then is our role, as men, to combat these negative stereotypes regarding straight men in dating? The easy answer would be to prove women wrong. To show them we’re “a good guy.” But the much more responsible answer—the brave one—is to listen and to learn. What is it they are afraid of? How have they been conditioned to view men throughout their lives? What can you do as a man to help support women and move into a place of mutual trust?
The answers to these questions will not come in the form of a pick-up trick or a smooth line, but rather a genuine and concerted effort to face the truth around men and dating. We have not been our best selves, and we have a great deal of work to do. Work we need to do ourselves. Read the op-eds that women have written. Learn the statistics around sexual assault on college campuses. Reflect on your own role in contributing to a society that puts women’s safety at risk. Only then can you enter the dating sphere in a respectful and trustworthy way.
Next time you are ready to defend yourself as a man of honor, put down your shield. It’s not about you. It’s about all of us.
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Have you read the original anthology that was the catalyst for The Good Men Project? Buy here: The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood
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