One of the most foundational parts of a relationship is trust. But what happens when you’re dating somebody who is not trustworthy? It can be terrifying; you don’t know what to believe. What if your partner lies about something serious like being pregnant? What if they lose their job and don’t tell you? What if they’re cheating on you and they’re so good at lying that you can’t figure out what’s going on? It’s scary to think you’re involved with somebody who isn’t being truthful. If you suspect your partner is making up stories, they could be a pathological liar.
What’s a pathological liar?
A pathological liar is somebody who tells lies without thinking. Lying is like breathing to them. They don’t believe it they’re doing anything wrong. They’re used to lying, and it comes naturally to them. You might wonder why your partner is hurting you like this. However, they don’t think they’re doing anything wrong. There use the lies for a particular reason. It serves a purpose in their life. Pathological liars are not necessarily malicious or “bad people,” but lying destroys relationships.
How did this happen?
You’re not bad at choosing a partner. You may be wondering why you are involved with a pathological liar. Did you do something wrong? No. You didn’t do anything that caused you to be in a situation where another person manipulates you. Often, people who are pathological liars are charismatic and charming. They don’t always lie. It’s hard to determine the difference between when they’re truthful and when they’re telling a lie. It’s like when people stay in abusive relationships. If a person is regularly abused, they won’t stay with their partner. There are times when the relationship is going well, and their partner is kind to them. The same principle goes for being with a pathological liar. You didn’t draw this person to you. You love who you love, and people have flaws. This person’s deficit is that they struggle with telling the truth.
What makes people lie?
People lie for different reasons. As a child, you might have learned to lie in school to stay out of trouble. Maybe when you were truthful with your teachers, they didn’t listen to you, and you got yelled at a lot. So, you learned to lie in school. Maybe you were not accepted as a child and were harshly bullied. When people receive constant criticism as it’s difficult to feel comfortable in their skin; they need to learn how to believe in themselves. Others have told them that they’re worthless or strange, and they believe those words. It begins with the person lying about who they are to fit in, and spirals from there. First, they lie about their interests, what they like and don’t like, and then, they start to lie about other things. Once they’re engaged in a cycle of lies, it’s hard to break that behavior. Lying feels natural.
Who am I dating?
When you realize that you’re dating a pathological liar you probably feel duped. The person lied about who they are. They pretended that they were upfront, honest, and trustworthy, but they betrayed you. You feel violated, angry, or hurt, and all of those emotions are valid. What do you do next? You don’t have to accept it when your partner lies. You can confront them, say that you don’t appreciate that they lied to you. Strong relationships rely on partners trusting on another. It’s important to understand that the person may not be lying intentionally. However, it doesn’t make their behavior acceptable.
Therapy
There are options when it comes to treatment for a pathological liar. If you believe you have an issue with telling the truth, talk to a licensed therapist. Whether you’re working with a therapist online or one in your local area, you can learn to stop lying. If you believe you’re dating a person who keeps lying to you, you don’t have to accept that treatment. Talk to a therapist and get the help you need. You deserve to be in a loving relationship where you can trust your partner to tell you the truth.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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