Empaths feel more deeply, more intensely, and more persistently than those around us. We even feel what other people are afraid to feel within themselves.
― Mateo Sol
It has taken me years to fully understand all of my sensitivities. I am a physical empath. I am a relationship empath. I have high levels of intuition. I am sensitive to my environment. I sometimes just know things. For many years, like you, I struggled to integrate and make sense of all of this information. And like you, I shut myself down emotionally just to cope in my everyday life.
It so does not have to be that way. My path toward emotional freedom and owning my sensitivities has been immensely rewarding once I learned this one key skill.
I wrote a few weeks ago about narcissism and how I sometimes felt like I wanted to sleep after sessions with patients. This is a common reaction in my industry and it can be interpreted differently depending on the unique skills of a therapist. It would, however, take me years to understand what my reaction meant to me.
Whenever I feel like I want to go to sleep, I simply just need to leave the situation. Whether it is a person, a location, or an entire city (goodbye New York). The key to dating as an empath is learning how to trust your physiological reactions and to not second guess them.
The Need For Sleep (Out of Nowhere)
Most empaths actually do not know how sensitive they are to energy through their phones. If you have been doing enough personal development work on yourself, you can actually screen people before you actually meet them IRL (that is a real-life superpower). If you have been texting someone and all of a sudden feel exhausted — its time to drop the interaction, go to meditation or yoga, sage yourself and check-in to see if you feel better. Most often you will — you were picking up on the lower level energy of your potential date. Just say no. Don’t go out on the first date. TRUST your intuition. TRUST your body. The body never lies, you just have to learn to interpret its cues.
When you are on an actual date, it will not take long for this reaction to happen. It usually happens within twenty minutes. If you start to feel sleepy, go to the bathroom and breathe. Check-in with your body and decide if this is related to the energy of your date or to the fact you haven’t been sleeping. Most of the time, the reason for our fatigue is due to an increase in sensitivity and not being aware that our new life will require a different type of person to be invited in. If you are feeling sleepy on a date, keep it short and go someplace to help regain your energy.
I have personally been known to cut a date short and walk into a crystal shop and stand by all the selenite. If it’s an energetic issue, I feel better in five minutes. You may not be into woo wooness but experimenting with your energy levels by being in places that have higher levels of energy, can help you learn to distinguish between being around someone draining your energy and someone who elevates your energy.
An Increase of Happy, Bubbly Energy
Love should make us feel excited and happy. Think back to when you were younger. Think back to your first love. How freaking happy and excited were you to even think of that person? This was before you had your heartbroken. This was before you shut down. This was before all of the toxic energy around you incubated your own toxic insecurity. Every day we interact with people in our lives and have the opportunity to connect with the energy that makes us feel like we can take on the world. Unfortunately, since we are not aware that this even exists (any longer because we have been hurt), we have a tendency to compromise. There is no compromising in the love department for 2020. I repeat — there is no more compromising on your love life. If you make a mindful decision to explore being with someone to learn more about yourself — great. Do so from a place of checking in with how your body is feeling.
When I was in Buenos Aires recently, I used to go to a park every morning around 10 am to meditate. A middle-aged man used to bring his two dogs to the park. Every morning they interrupted my meditation to try to lick my face and to sit with me until I was finished. They were the HAPPIEST souls I’ve encountered in a long time. The lit up my heart in ways that I hadn’t experienced in a while. THAT is the experience you want to have when you are on a date. You want to feel lit up. You want to feel like you can spend all night with someone. You want to wake up, look at your photos, and be in awe of how amazing your date was.
Anything less than this, for an empath, is just a no.
Why Empaths Compromise
It’s not your fault. You’ve spent your whole life being told you are too sensitive and that you need to get over things. You’ve been told that your emotional sensitivities were wrong. So you try to make it work. Since you are sensitive, it also makes you wonderfully non-judgmental and open. It gets us into a whole lot of trouble before we realize how to set boundaries around our time. Your mantra for 2020 is: If this person does not light me up, It’s time to move forward. You can do this with compassion and lots of love. You can even play matchmaker with your date if they are a good person (but not the one for you). What’s important is that you train your mind and body to trust itself. You do not need a dating coach. Sometimes you don’t need a therapist. What you need is extreme trust in yourself and practice choosing you everyday.
Empaths also compromise because once you reach this really beautiful place where your energy is sparkling, the narcissists and energy vampires show up. Don’t be afraid. Be discerning. Be a role model. Be the person who shows them what healthy boundaries look like. Be the person who is totally fine shining your light in the darkness and showing them that you can’t be brought down. We spend so much time fearing lower energy people instead of realizing that they are just starting their journeys. Have compassion but always choose yourself.
How to Listen to Your Body — Strategies for Self-Healing
We are in the midst of a global awakening. Yoga and meditation are popular topics right now. It’s not a coincidence. In order to reconnect your mind and body, most people will need a practice that clears the toxic energy in your body. Acupuncture works too. The point is, however, if your mind and body are disconnected — your intuition simply will not work and you will not trust it. Too many of us (myself included) live in our heads. Getting out of your head and into your body through yoga, dancing, running, physical activity, sports, or massage/bodywork will help you learn how to better read your cues. Combining this with meditation will, over time, help you re-connect your mind and body.
If All Else Fails and you Can’t Hear your Intuition, Go into Nature
I was never told as a child how important nature would be for me and my sensitivities. When Buenos Aires burned me out, I headed to San Rafael, Argentina to sit in an AirBnb by myself for a week. I was surrounded by farms and vineyards and my only neighbor was a goat. Within three days, I felt my energy return and I started crying while riding a bike for the first time since I was twelve. They were tears of happiness and freedom. If you feel like a space cadet and floating around with brain fog, take the weekend to get into nature. It will clear up your energy and you will be able to listen to your internal wisdom — not the crap your date is putting into your head. Even heading to the park and sitting near a tree helps. If you are fearful, indecisive or in any other way doubting yourself, go to nature before making a decision about your love life.
Being an empath can be a wonderful experience. We just sometimes have to go through a lot of practice to get to a place where we can fully stand in our authentic power and claim the right to choose the love life we really desire. No more compromising! It is okay to dream about your soulmate. If you practice choosing yourself, they will make an appearance. By that time, you will have no hesitation to pursue the relationship — everything else has just been the practice in learning how to trust your intuition.
“If you limit your choice only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise” — Robert Fritz
Previously published on Medium.com.
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