TASK #16: DEAD PRESIDENTS
“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money? Unknown
Hey, what a day. Comey is going to vomit all over Trump, and Trump will sulk and tweet and maybe–if he has the time– government…
And it’s tax day. Well, technically you have ’til end of business tomorrow to file, but today is April 15th and that means it time to pay the piper, in this case the IRS.
Look around. What do you own? What’s it worth?
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I don’t understand our tax laws and if what I heard is true, neither does anyone else, even those charged with enforcing them. All I do is pay, ’cause if I don’t I get hassled by the IRS, or I get hassled by the fake IRS who are looking to scam me. Sigh…
I owe the US government 3 grand.
That’s a lot of scratch. A lot! This guy at work owes a little over a thousand. I said, “where are you going to get the money?” He said ruefully, “I may have to take it out of the kid’s college savings…” And I thought, “shit, I don’t even have a kid’s college fun to raid…son, you’re going to trade school.
It’s not the IRS that raises my hackles. It’s the money. I hate spending money. I’m cheap. I didn’t used to be cheap–When I was in my 20s, just starting out, I didn’t give a damn. As long as I had enough money to pay my rent, buy some gas, beer and weed, I was good.
But that changed. Now I own stuff, like a house, a lawn mower, an X-Box, and I’m always fretting over money. And I never seem to save any money–I have ALWAYS spent what I make!
Ain’t that the way it is? Whether you’re a garbage jockey or a Bombay-sipping office spiff, you probably spend what you make and you don’t know your net worth. That’s not good. The only people who DON’T need to worry about their net worth are batting .310 in the majors and making 20 million a year. The rest of us–we need to know.
I have a friend who makes 40K a year as a bartender and a DJ. He’s not a DJ like David Guetta–my friend sits in a corner of a bar and plays records, but he does get paid for it. So I went to him and asked him how much he was worth. He looked at me like I was speaking Lithuanian and shrugged. He said he didn’t have anything in the bank and he lived by paycheck to paycheck.,
So I said, “let’s see what you’re worth”. We met the next day at his place.
He lives in a modest apartment. Not much in the way of anything…but I found 30 items that are, well… assets.
1) a plasma tv; 2) couch; 3) dvd player; 4) a lava lamp; 5) wood coffee table; 6) Playboy magazine coffee table book; 7) IKEA mirror; 8) 2 drawer filing cabinet that he used as an end table; 9) metal picture frame without a picture in it; 10) ab roller that has never been used; 11) bed with mattress; 12) another lava lamp. He thinks that they create a seductive atmosphere; 13) laptop computer; 14) iPOD; 15) never-used bowling ball; 16) suitcase; 17) Cleveland Indian Duvet; 18) Cleveland Indian lamp; 19) baseball mitt signed by Jim Thome+, 20) Cleveland Indian poster; 21) an array of comic books; 22) binoculars; 23) coin collection he got from his dad; 24) Darth Vader piggy bank; 25) a banjo that he doesn’t know how to play; 26) X box with 10 games; 27) hoodies, tee-shirts, jeans, underwear and other worthless clothes; 28) alarm clock; 29) baseball bat; 30) Kate Upton poster.
He actually had some money in his checking account: $422.12. All of this, plus a 2000 Toyota truck, were his assets.
We listed everything and then went on Craig’s list and Ebay to see what similar items were valued at. Then we totaled it. The was worth almost three thousand dollars. The Toyota: one thousand. All in, he’s worth about $4500.
Not bad.
TASK
Look around. What do you own? What’s it worth (not to you, but on EBay or Craig’s List)? Add it up. Write it down.
Photos by George Redgrave and Joe Doe