I am a little anxious about the day I will meet my husband. I have been single for a while, so it’s not that I’m frightened it won’t happen (well, that’s a complete lie, but moving on).
And while living alone has taught me a lot about my values and ambitions, it has also allowed me some space to reflect on what I really need from a marriage.
Here are the things I’ll require from my future husband, in no particular order — some are a touch unrealistic, others are necessities, and others will undoubtedly come up along the way.
It would help if you did this for me.
1. Write and say lots of lovely things to me.
I have a deep love for words, particularly kind words. Do it, even if it’s just as easy as writing “I love you” on a Post-It note by the Keurig once a week. An SMS message (or twenty) will also do.
2. Ask my father for his blessing to marry.
And, while you’re at it, my mother as well. I realize it’s anti-feminist, eerie, and outdated, but you know what? It doesn’t concern me.
I’m sure he’ll say “yes,” so even though you might need to take a plane to North Carolina to make the request (don’t use Skype; it looks nasty), consider this: My dad will definitely grill you a steak and pour you a beer while you’re there!
3. Have skills in keeping our incomes in check.
Despite my relative financial security, my biggest concern is always running out of money. I save more than the typical twentysomething does, yet I can’t get rid of my unreasonable dread that it will all go.
(Perhaps as a result of my NYC rent being almost twice as expensive as most mortgages?) When I get too worked up over it, could you keep me in check?
4. Please give me a lot of room.
I grew up as an only child, and such kids can either be strong and independent or spoilt. Fortunately, I fall into the former category, although I value alone time and have always had a lot of it.
It’s not that I don’t love you; I do. I simply need time and space to get my thoughts straight. I swear to you that I will always return home.
5. Suck me for a ton of sex.
Oh, and I also want to have a large family. I understand that when a relationship lasts longer — especially with kids — the need for immediate gratification in sex diminishes, but I still want to feel physically close to you.
Furthermore, I want you to think of me as the most attractive woman you have ever met.
I pledge to try my best in return, even if I’m completely worn out. I’m hoping you’ll agree.
6. Pay attention to how much I talk about everything.
When I’m feeling insecure, I usually talk a lot; it’s how I make other people speak. My talk is emotional, unreasonable, and frequently needless, yet if I keep it to myself, it will consume me.
I am a successful writer in part because of this susceptibility, but it is also a drawback.
7. Acknowledge that I use six different shampoo and conditioner bottles.
—plus a minimum of 25 shades of nail paint and 10 lipsticks, hehe. Well, sure, I don’t need them, but would you really want to rush to the store and get them for me the day I run out in the middle of the shower? I didn’t believe that.
8. Confirm that I don’t appear obese.
Maybe, but my sentiments will be seriously wounded when I emerge from our bedroom for a special occasion, and all you can say is, “Let’s get going.”
Please do the same for me; I’ll give you compliments and soothe your shoulders when you’re tense.
9. Don’t make fun of me when I weep in movies.
Even though I’m tough, independent, and self-sufficient, dramas always make me laugh — even comedies, at times. Please just bring Kleenex to the movie theatre.
10. Express your thoughts.
I want to savor and fall in love with your thoughts, feelings, values, pet peeves, distinctive qualities, and sensual side. Please tell me everything. Tell me about your life.
11. Arrange a typical date evening.
Even if it’s only on a Friday night with takeout and a movie, we still get cosy in our sweats. I’ve heard of couples losing their spark, and even though I haven’t found mine yet, I’m terrified of losing it.
Can we agree to have a date night once a week? Pizza, drinks, and Netflix are all fine with me as long as we don’t lose each other in our hectic lives.
12. Be liked by my mother.
I want her to like me, but we don’t have to be best friends or wine lovers all the time. She liked her more than your college girlfriend, particularly.
13. Be passionate about something.
Or even five things. Even with you, I never want to be your entire universe. I firmly think that no one can flourish in the shadows, and I never want us to feel stifled by one another.
I’ll encourage you to participate in anything you want to do, as long as it’s something you love doing other than me.
14. Tell me you’re going to stay.
I’m sorry; Tinder is to blame — additionally, Occupied and every single New York City pub scene. I don’t think highly of the other sex.
15. Make me feel cherished.
And loved. My friends call me “love” since it’s so ingrained in my genetic makeup. Nevertheless, I have never felt loved by the man I was with in any relationship I have been in. Not really, not entirely, not sincere.
I must see love in your eyes and feel it in my bones. Why? Because I need you to feel the same way, and I will love you more than you can ever know.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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