Why do people say being single is so bad? I’m always reading articles about people trying to figure out how not to be alone. But it’s not just there. This message is everywhere. On social media, in ads, too. It just seems like the way people talk … there’s something bad about it. Now, it’s got me wondering. Am I missing something? I’ve been single for a while now, and it’s a pretty great gig. But I’m suddenly confused about it.
Signed,
Maybe Ready to Mingle
Dear Maybe Ready to Mingle:
How you feel about being single is so subjective. If you want to live alone and carve a life out for yourself this way, that’s great. Notice I said “alone” and not “lonely.” Where people get off track is when they confuse the two. It is possible to be alone and have a quality life. A partner is not required to feel whole.
I guess a bigger question is: “Why do you care what other people think and what you read in the media?” Figure out what you want based on how you feel. Many people in relationships have never done that sort of deep work, and they even feel alone when their partner is physically there with them. That’s why I think you need to better understand yourself and why you are suddenly confused after having a great experience as a single person so far.
Society seems to have a problem with the single-vs.-paired scenario. We do see and hear all the time, whether in rom-coms, ads, or just the general rejection of single-hood, that it is not something to strive for. People say that we are missing a piece of ourselves if we choose to be single. They say that we are lacking.
I don’t think these opinions are true at all. They are based on 1) marketing and making dollars (sorry, Hallmark, but you know it’s true), and 2) people having a fear of being alone.
People make a lot of decisions to avoid feeling like they are alone. This isn’t healthy. It’s not the greatest thing to do to another person either–being afraid enough of being lonely to just glom onto the first person walking by and holding on for dear life, so we don’t die alone.
If you think you are missing something, then yes, you are. Maybe seeing single-bashing all over the place awakened a need to be with someone? Maybe after all the time you spent alone, you want to share your life with someone else? Whatever you are feeling, it’s okay. Whatever you do, as long as you do it from your heart, is even better.
As hard as it might be, ignore the general consensus and tune in to what you want. Live life this way, and you will never regret it.
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