I have many male friends that I highly care for and consider we have a great friendship however it doesn’t stop me from saying men can sometimes be hypocrites.
I wish to say my friends are different and for a long time I believed so for the way they treat me and how easy was to communicate with them, however, I wasn’t reflecting on the fact that they were like this with me because I wasn’t a girl they were dating just a friend.
Having any conversation with my male friends is easy unless is about guys, Men surely won’t feed your delusion like our girlfriends and they will keep you on logical thinking, that doesn’t bother me we need a reality check sometimes, what bothers me is my actions are wrong but if they do exact the same thing they have a way to justified and not been held accountable for it.
“You like any guy who gives you an amount of attention, they like any girl who is nice and pretty.”
Years ago one of my male friends made this observation to me, he said that girls, or more specifically myself, will like any guy who gives me the right amount of attention just because I would tell him about guys who were hitting on me.
I felt so bad about it, like an attention seeker, like I was the one trying to reach out to as many guys as I could or that every guy who gave attention was a waste, and more than that like I didn’t have any judgment.
The truth was I did like to have attention from guys, and would be so interested to know why they even liked me and loved the high that came with that but it wasn’t like I was actively drawing attention to myself or that would fall in love with any guy who wanted to hang out.
With that being said, how is it different to like a girl who’s pretty and nice?
It was ironic, that he pointed out that I would like the attention of guys, but how about him meeting any decent girl and deciding right away she was the coolest?
He made me feel judged when I told him about guys sliding on my dms, or they said something I thought was funny, or saying I think I like this guy and he suddenly turned him into a villain however If he meets three girls in a month and they were nice that was different, that was just him been friendly, the fact he will like them didn’t mean he was trying to fill a void or that he was needy for attention.
He can make silly decisions, if I make one it is destructive behavior.
I can recall one time when it was so evident to me, that it was okay for my best friend to act like he was my father more than my best friend, to judge even the silliest decisions, and if it was all the way around he probably wouldn’t even mention it, it would be just a normal behavior to him.
I was talking to a guy and I liked him, in the beginning, he wasn’t that interested in me or that’s what we thought. My best friend didn’t like him because of that and I understood.
One night I was at the movies with some friends, and that day like any other day I was talking to this guy, when the movie ended I texted him to let him know, and he asked me if I would like to meet him where he was (he was at one of my friends house since they were friends).
To be honest wasn’t trill about the idea, my goal was for him to invite me to dates to know each other, not to hang out with a friend group, but since we were just talking I was looking forward to seeing him, I agreed, wasn’t harming anybody by going to a friends place and it gave an excuse to be near him.
My best friend thought quite the opposite, he was upset, he drove me there in total silence, and I bet from his mind cross that I was practically selling myself to a guy, showing ‘’too much interest’’ to someone who hadn’t even asked me out.
I did end up dating that guy and maybe wasn’t the smartest decision to make that night, if he had been another kind of guy I would have struck like a needy girl, but luckily it wasn’t like that. I could see why my best friend was upset because by that time I didn’t know what kind of guy he was and I put myself out there.
This made me feel so bad at that time and stuck with me for a very long time, I just needed some support and excitement, I was just a girl who wanted to see a guy she liked, to spend some time with him and my best friend just turned that in a rollercoaster of guilt and shame.
From my point of view what I was doing was harmless, wasn’t putting myself in danger, or seeing a guy who once treated me badly, wasn’t meeting him in a strange place, it was genuine just hanging out with people I know where it happens to be the guy I liked.
“Hey could you please pick me up’’
If a girl told this to my best friend and he does pick her up, it doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a favor he’s doing regardless he likes her.
If some girl asks him to come to her friend’s house while she is there hanging out, I’m pretty sure that’s harmless to him, it isn’t an indication of desperation or self-worth.
More than that, he has told me this: one day a girl texted him to see if he was nearby so they could hang and he went, didn’t hear him say she was desperate? or that he should said no because it was last minute.
I’m grateful that my best friend takes care of me and my feelings, but that doesn’t give him the right to act like my father and be all moralist when he has done what I have done without being held accountable for it.
He wanted casual and then got triggered if he was treated like something casual.
One of my closest male friends was dating someone, dating is a strong word for it, they were getting to know each other.
And like any other guy, he was acting like he wasn’t that deep into her, took a long time to text back, didn’t ask her out on a date just casual things, just the same game most men play not to get hurt or not been too invested and he said to her he wanted things to be ‘’casual’’.
The girl plays in his favor, she acts interested in him and always texts him back he did so many things that we girls just forgive when we like someone like taking a day to answer a text or making plans to cancel it later on, or just constantly leave her wondering if he was interested.
As much as we want to say I wouldn’t text him back if he spent a day without talking to me, it’s a lie, most of the time if we are really into the guy we will text back and try to understand any reason he will give afterward.
With all that being said, the tables turned, after having a date, that girl realized she didn’t feel that attracted to him anymore or his behaviors, so she started to treat him like he treated her at the beginning and it drove him crazy.
Suddenly he felt like she wasn’t considering his feelings, or that she was constantly ignoring him, when she was doing what he was doing all along, living his life and not giving him his all-divided attention.
As a friend, I validated his pain and tried to be there for him, but that does not mean I was on his side of this version, it feels different when you are on the other side of the story, and he has done that to some many girls but it’s okay as long as don’t affect him.
…
I highly appreciate my male friends and they know it, however, their behavior sometimes triggers me. It made me realize they justified their actions with the thought that they think logically and that woman usually moves through emotions, so every little decision that we make will turn into a tornado while theirs is inoffensive.
It’s easier to judge people when you are not the one been through it, most of the time people don’t need advice or lessons, what they need is someone to listen while they make choices and have new experiences.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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