Debrief Yourself

[This User’s Guide to Coaching series explains everything you need to know to successfully engage and work with a coach—a life coach, a creativity coach, an executive coach, any sort of coach. It accompanies Dr. Maisel’s latest book, The Coach’s Way, described as “the finest resource available for anyone who wants to develop or enrich their coaching abilities.” Grab your copy now!]

Immediately after your first coaching session, or as soon as you can, make sure to debrief yourself. Ask yourself the following ten questions and try answer them:

How did the session go?

Did I like my coach?

Did my coach get me?

Was my coach professional?

Did I learn something?

Did I get my goals clarified?

Did I get a solid plan in place?

Do I understand what I’m supposed to do next?

Anything I didn’t like that I should mention?

Anything I didn’t like that amounts to a deal-breaker?

Make sure to do a good job of distinguishing between what may have gotten stirred up in you and your feelings about your coach. Those two feelings can get tangled. You may be upset at your coach when in fact what you’re upset about is that you were reminded of painful childhood events, past regrets and disappointments, or the amount of work you have to do to meet your own goals. Having been reminded about all that isn’t a good reason to be down on your coach. Try not to shoot the messenger.

Likewise, make sure that you understand your plan and that it takes into account your realities. You may remember, after your session has ended, that you have to go out of town for work for two days in the coming week. How will that affect your plan? Almost always, the additional challenges that pop to mind are experienced as negatively affecting one’s plan. Suddenly, everything seems harder or even impossible.

You may want to throw up your hands as you think, “Why did I ever start this coaching?” or “Why did I think I could get anything done while I’m this busy?” Try to talk yourself back from the ledge. Try to find the courage and wherewithal to say to yourself, “All I need to do is modify my plan, not throw it out the window.” Then, do that modifying. Create a new, clear, solid plan that takes into account the additional reality pieces that are now part of the equation.

If you chatted with your coach at the end of the session about how the two of you would be in touch between sessions, and if you have permission to be in touch, you might want to drop her an email after your personal debriefing and catch her up and keep her in the loop. This might sound like, “Mary, I just remembered that I have to be out of town for two days next week, but that isn’t daunting me or deterring me. I’ve modified my plan and all is well.” You can pretty much bet that you’ll get a short, sweet, enthusiastic email back from your coach with a message like, “That’s great! Congrats on factoring in those two days away!”

Take a little time after your first session ends to see what you think about your coach, how you feel about your coach, whether your plan still seems sound, and, if your plan needs modifying, what modifications to make. This personal debriefing is useful and helps you firm up your commitment to yourself, your commitment to following your now likely updated plan. Next, of course, is actually working your plan. Let’s look at that next.

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“The Coach’s Way is possibly the finest resource available for anyone who wants to develop or enrich their coaching abilities. This new book is designed to give coaches the confidence and structure in their practice that will generate real results for their clients. Any- one who makes a living in the coaching arena will benefit from Dr. Maisel’s tremendous experience and training as a therapist, coach, and human. I’m so glad to have this book as a guide for my own coaching work and will recommend it to many others in the helping professions.”— Jacob Nordby, author of The Creative Cure: How Finding and Freeing Your Inner Artist Can Heal Your Life

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