Deal-breakers in relationships are different for everyone. Some common ones are not liking pets, bad hygiene, or abuse. But you ultimately get to decide what your deal-breakers are in a relationship.
To figure out what your personal deal-breakers are, first look back at your past relationships and what caused them to end. For example, if you had an ex that was constantly late and it made you feel disrespected, that issue is likely a deal-breaker for you going forward.
Or if a previous partner was very clingy and needed your attention 24/7, which drove you crazy since you value alone time, that behavior is probably a deal-breaker now. Basically, reflect on why your exes became exes so you can understand what will and won’t work for you in the future. If the thought of dealing with those past issues again feels awful, those are solid deal-breakers.
Another way to identify your deal-breakers is to simply trust your gut instinct. There may be some things you just know you want or don’t want in a relationship without having to think too hard about it.
For instance, if you’re devoted to a particular religion, you likely want a partner who shares those religious beliefs. Or if a flashy, materialistic lifestyle means nothing to you, things like clothes, cars, status, and wealth are probably not deal-breakers when dating someone new.
Some common deal-breakers that many individuals cite are anger issues like punching walls, refusing to introduce you to friends without explanation, differing ideas about commitment and monogamy, sexual incompatibility, and lifestyle differences like being a morning person versus a night owl.
Big communication issues like taking hours to respond to messages or going days without contact. Financial differences can also be a source of tension if you prefer to save and your partner enjoys splurging. Essentially, any behaviors or traits that go against your personal values are justified deal-breakers.
Once you establish your relationship deal-breakers, how do you bring them up to a potential new partner or current mate? If you already have a serious partner, it’s best to have a sit-down conversation and openly discuss your boundaries together.
This mutual understanding should happen early on so you’re both fully informed of what the other expects and needs. Bringing up your deal-breakers now also prevents feelings of resentment and disappointment in the future if your needs aren’t being met in the way you hoped.
Even in established long-term relationships, ongoing check-ins around boundaries and personal deal-breakers are important as situations change over time. When you introduce these sensitive topics with a partner, ease into the conversation gently rather than just listing everything you hate or that annoys you.
Say something like “I’m really enjoying our time together and want to talk about the future of our relationship.” That naturally transitions into discussing mutual hopes, expectations, and potential areas of conflict before it becomes a problem.
Your deal-breakers reflect your self-worth and values, so never abandon them just because a partner pressures you or tries to guilt you into settling. The right person will listen, understand, and respect your boundaries without question.
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Previously Published on Medium
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