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Stepping out of that 33-year ‘starter marriage’ and meeting Terry—a man who had also been in a 33-year starter marriage—was beyond interesting. About ten months after leaving another relationship and noticing each other at various events, we connected on Valentine’s Day. When Terry mentioned he liked jazz, I told him about a place where there was a very talented jazz musician and talked about getting a group of people together to go out dancing.
He called me the next day and let me know that if I got a group together, he’d love to join us. I told him I didn’t know about getting a group together right away and that, in the meantime, I would be willing to meet him there. So, we made plans for the following evening to meet at the venue where that jazz musician would be playing.
Long story short, I ended up over on his end of town and we never made it out dancing. He spent the evening telling me about his spiritual journey and it was all out of order. My spirit got it and I knew that even though our spiritual journeys were not the same, they dove-tailed together quite well. Terry is all about world peace and I am all about inner peace.
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Around 10:30 that evening he gets knee-to-knee with me and says, “I just want to let you know that when I saw you ten months ago, I wanted to scoop you up in my arms and tell you you’re mine and I’m marrying you.” He also said that it really freaked him out because he wasn’t having any problems in his relationship with his girlfriend of 3 years. He told me he had slipped off into the kitchen to be a ‘good boy.’ Then he said, “I want to let you know I still feel that way”. And I said, “You ‘wanna’ marry me?”. And he said, “Yes.” He had no idea that when he saw me 10 months earlier that I was married or that I had just gotten a lawyer to get a divorce. And I’m like, “When do you ‘wanna’ marry me?” and he says “In a week-and-a-half, two weeks take your time”. And I’m like “What!??”
I went home crying happy tears. And then as a woman, all of a sudden, I was like, now wait a minute, I’m supposed to have sex with this guy I don’t even know in a week-and-a-half, two weeks to take my time? Other than that, we were already married in our minds. The very next night he held me in his arms, non-sexually, all night and every night for two-and-a-half weeks. It was amazing!
I made him wait for an extra half-a-week and even read Women Who Run with the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.! We had not dated so we didn’t know each other well at all. Even though I held him off for an extra half-of-a-week, you really don’t get to know someone well in two-and-a-half weeks take your time. So that got interesting!
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As we packed up his things so he could move in with me, he seemed to move like the wind. I hadn’t noticed these quick movements in our earlier encounters. It also appeared he couldn’t think straight that day. As the day progressed I was on high alert. Finally, I said, “What is going on with you?” He mentioned that being with me made him feel so good he figured he no longer needed his meds. I said, “What meds?” At first, he mentioned ADHD, then depression, then back pain, anxiety, and something else neither one of us can remember at this point after seven years of being together. He was also headed for two more meds, blood pressure, and cholesterol.
ADHD was the last thing I wanted to be around after being a Special Education teacher and having my own hyper kids. I was totally freaked out and thinking, “What am I doing and what am I getting myself into?” Later he mentioned he had two traumatic brain injuries and was on sixty percent disability which included a back injury. NOOOOOOO and WHY? Everything else was PERFECT.
Determined to make this relationship work, I put on my nutritional ‘tech rep’ hat and dug into what I knew from pulling kids out of biochemical labels such as ADHD and Autism. My work paid off and two months later Terry had lost 70 pounds, which really freaked out the VA Hospital in Minnesota. They had watched him closely the whole time and cheered him on saying, “Keep doing what you’re doing.” He was taken off of all 5 meds and was not put on anymore. Woot, woot!
Some days are better than others and I have been known to threaten to take him to the Alzheimer’s ward if he gets into foods with gluten. Keeping him off of foods that are non-inflammatory really helps with the ADHD and his two Traumatic Brain Injuries. I am thankful he is such a patient, patient. I love him dearly and wouldn’t trade him for the world.
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Photo Credit – Getty Images