Divorce Was the Best Decision

I met a beautiful woman recently who felt judged. People walked away from her during her divorce. It devastated her. Before I tell you the rest of that story, let me tell you something else.

It’s a reminder of why I chose divorce.

And exactly why it was the best decision.

I was talking to a friend of mine a few weeks ago. We live in the same building. He complimented me on my hair. A few minutes later he told me he wanted to buy me a cut and color.

“I could never accept that,” I say. “And didn’t you just tell me you thought my hair looked good?”

“Yes,” he says. “But I want to do it for your birthday.”

“You already gave me a gift,” I say.

He wouldn’t take no for an answer.

He went to a salon down the street, and made an appointment for the next day. I was reluctant because my hair is thick, curly, and difficult to cut. I haven’t changed hair salons in years.

I was amazed by his generosity.

I kept the appointment.

On the way home, I ran into him.

“It looks great,” he says.

“I love it,” I say. “I was worried because a lot of people can’t cut my hair.”

“Colleen,” he says. “You’ve been hiding your beauty.”

You would think this man was talking strictly about physical appearance. He wasn’t. He’s deep and emotional. He’s a communicator. He tells me he sees my heart. He says I’m always smiling despite my worries.

He was speaking collectively.

The writer in me loved his words.

“You’re hiding your beauty.”

I had one thought.

How many people are hiding their beauty?

How many people are in unhappy and unhealthy marriages? How many people have lost sight of their hearts? How many people have compromised their entire being, self, and worth?

I know many who have.

I know happily married people too.

But the ones that aren’t are cheating on themselves.

And they’re cheating the world out of their beauty.

Everything flows out of us. Our enthusiasm, our joy, our delight, our gratitude, our calm, our anxiety, our fear, our sadness, our anger, and our disappointment.

It moves through us.

It either festers below until it’s worn on our face, or it comes out in other ways.

I’ve written on this topic before.

My friend is correct.

I do smile through my worries.

But it’s easier to do since I chose to get out of an unhealthy, and unhappy situation. Divorce was the best decision I made for myself, and my family.

His comment made me realize he sees me reemerging in totality. No longer in bits, and pieces. I think he’s trying to help me tie up some loose ends.

He wants me to put a ribbon on it.

He wants me to feel as good on the outside as the heart he sees inside.

The beautiful woman I met the other night broke my heart.

She was kind, and sweet. Her sadness was evident. I could feel it. I’d also experienced similar judgment. No one escapes divorce without judgment.

It’s a part of the package.

She didn’t deserve it, neither did I, nor does anyone else.

Despite her disappointment, I could see her heart.

She was no longer hiding her beauty.

She was thriving.

I’ve been working on post-divorce issues these past few months. I may write about divorce but it’s to make something good come out of something bad.

I don’t relive it.

I learn from it.

I write about it.

But going over these divorce, and financial documents bring back the trauma of an overly abusive, and long divorce. I’m not sleeping. I can see my heart retreating in my face.

I can see my stress being worn.

I’ve begun doing Tiktoks and Instagram reels with relationship advice. I look years older in the last several videos. Yet they were taken only days and weeks apart. I haven’t aged that much in two weeks.

It’s revisiting trauma.

It’s stress and sleep deprivation.

It’s not going to the gym.

It’s the physical reminder that divorce was the best decision. I looked older once before. It was during my divorce. It was years ago. I’m older now yet I looked older then.

I was cheating on myself.

I was cheating the world out of my beauty wholistically.

My emotional well being was compromised, and it was written all over my face.

I wish I could revisit some of the people who judged me. I wish I could look at them and say, “Who are you to tell me what’s best for my emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being, as well as my children’s?”

No one should hide their beauty.

I, too, am not speaking in a strictly physical sense.

Everything flows out of us.

Everything moves through us.

It either festers below until it’s worn on our face, or it comes out in other ways.

Don’t judge anyone for choosing divorce.

*BELOW is the Tiktok I made after running into the woman who felt judged.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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