This is my wife Kathy… the phrase always fostered a sense of belonging, a dyadic notion of unity. I felt part of something important, I perceived pride in the introduction. ‘I’m married’ said the introduction; ‘We have an exclusivity.’
That perception and commitment is the part of marriage I miss the most.
I’m no longer introduced to the new neighbours or work colleagues in that manner. That is something exclusive in a strong committed, long-term relationship, and something I haven’t experienced in a long time.
The flip side however, is I’m not part of a unity or commitment of that nature. I’m free to make my own choices and to make my own mistakes. I’m free to eat what I want, or to skip a meal altogether.
Being single is living without compromise. Future plans are my own, my dreams belong to me and cannot be quelled by another. I live relatively guilt free in regards to my time, my reading habits, and even my television preferences.
I no longer feel the need to entertain. I used to spend days preparing for a gathering with several friends and family which was a common occurrence. Now I simply prepare homestyle meals for my older children and their partners. Less stress, more fun, and definitely more of an intimate setting.
Once again on the flip side, I miss the gatherings of extended family. I miss seeing the interaction between my children and their cousins from my ex husband’s side.
I am conflicted today as I sit here at the seawall self reflecting. I watch the view of the overcast morning skyline and the choppy waters of the harbour. Here at my happy place I realize that life isn’t about having everything, or yearning for what we cannot have. Life is about loving what we do have… and I do… and to appreciate what was in the past, but to also embrace the circumstances life has delivered.
In a way I am extremely lucky. I have experienced marriage and a large extended family. Now I am experiencing living for myself, and living as a single woman nearing an empty nest. I am fortunate for this opportunity to continually reinvent myself.
I am living my life, I am loving my life and those in my life.
I am embracing every little thing that makes me happy, regardless of how insignificant it may appear to others.
Did I lose a marriage? Yes, but I also gained a new introspective view of myself. I’ve become a unique and different person as a result. I’ve embraced the changes and challenges in my life.
During this time of so much uncertainty, we need to embrace who we are, and who we will become as a result of challenges. Let’s not lose sight of all the good that is in our lives, and let’s learn to embrace the change.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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Photo credit: iStock.com
