Love is something a lot of people talk about in romance novels, or in your favorite top 40 song. Many men can be jaded when it comes to love, and love is something they want, but don’t really understand. Does true love really exist? It does, but it may be a little different from what you think it is.
The Problem with Love in Our Society
There seems to be a pervasive fear of commitment. Love opens us up and makes us vulnerable, and lowers our guards and inhibitions. When you do get into a relationship, this opens you up to the possibility of being hurt. If you do get hurt, it hinders you from pursuing other relationships and can prompt you to question if true love is real.
Instead of dealing with potential emotional connection (and subsequent trauma), casual sex and hookups can be favored in lieu of a relationship.
Love without Sex, Sex without Love
People often struggle with differentiating sex and love. Understanding love and what it can do to and for you is complicated, but sexual attraction can seem more instantaneous (and thus, an easier option).
There is also the idea that you can have sex without love, and love without sex. Some people experience love through sexual intercourse, and others understand love through non-sexual means and don’t factor sexual intimacy into their feelings of love.
The truth is that sex feels similar to love, largely due to the release of oxytocin, which is also associated with empathy, trust, and relationship-building. However, the two do feel inherently different for everyone.
What if I’m Incapable of Love?
Understanding the difference between sex and love is important, but some may feel like they are incapable of love altogether, despite knowing the difference.
Society generally tells men to contain their emotions, but this can make anyone seem rigid, unloving, and perhaps even fear commitment, which is laden with emotional facets. This does not mean that you are incapable of love, however. There are things that you can learn to recognize and work on to achieve true love, if you desire.
How to Understand True Love
Understanding true love isn’t easy. The most important thing to understanding true love is what it means to you, and understanding yourself.
True love should make you happy, and should be done with the best interests of your partner and yourself together in mind.
Some of us are scared of true love since it’s such a strong emotion. If you have fears about love, think about the following things to better understand how to experience it for yourself.
Work on Yourself Before You Try to Fall in Love
It’s important to focus on yourself first before committing to another person.
You know that idea that you’ll only love others after you love yourself? While you are capable of loving others without truly loving yourself, it can help your future relationships if you’ve worked on (or are actively working through) bettering yourself in the ways that you’ve always wanted. You don’t have to have everything figured out, but it’s good to be sure of where you’d like to be and know that you’re on your way there.
If you don’t have goals in place, identify and establish some. Work on multiple facets of yourself. Explore goals on physical, professional, and mental levels. Many take a step back from dating and falling in love while they’re working on themselves, which is perfectly fine – it’s better to wait and feel more confident than to dive in and just figure everything out all at once.
Don’t Try to Force Love When it Isn’t There
If you are with someone and you don’t feel love with them, don’t try to force it. Realize when it may not be there, or when it just isn’t there. It’s ok not to love someone you’re dating – not everyone is compatible, or meant to be. This can be a difficult realization, but true love shouldn’t make you question things. When you come to this conclusion, be gentle about it, and be amicable. There is true love out there for you – and them – it just isn’t with each other, or right now.
Identify it in Those You Know You Love
Learning how to love a potential partner, especially after a heartbreak or traumatic event, can be hard. But if you have people that you know you love, like your friends, family members, and pets, find beauty in that love. Love doesn’t always have to be romantic. If you have trouble working through your feelings in romantic relationships, try to identify things that you love about those around you or that you have strong feelings for, and recognize what it is that makes you feel that way. Is it loyalty? Understanding? Support? These are things that you can find in a potential partner, and you can grow romantic love out of these foundational aspects of your relationship, once established.
Therapy for Helping to Understand Love
If you struggle with commitment, falling in love, or you feel like you’re unsure of whether you should pursue a certain love or not, or love at all – consider reaching out to a therapist. If you’ve been hurt in the past and feel incapable of love, it doesn’t hurt to see a mental health professional, if love is what you desire. A therapist can help you sort out potential relationship and emotional issues, so you can feel better about your existing relationship, or help you pursue love when you’re ready.
True love exists, and it’s very much possible for you to fall in love in this modern-day and age. While technology and online dating can be confusing and frustrating, there is definitely a lot of good in the world too, and if you’ve ever feared commitment, or are hesitant about falling in love, know you’re not alone, but you can find it someday.
This is a featured post by site sponsor Better Help.
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