Some folks call it “the Golden Rule.” Others call it the “Universal Truth.” However, guys are all-too-often programmed to turn up our noses at such “touchy feely” language. Unfortunately, this means many men don’t respond well to traditional pep talks. Rather, many of us will only pay attention when on the receiving end of “tough love.”
Taking all that into consideration, I’ll state my point in way that should get your attention: don’t be an asshole.
For those of you who don’t need advice cloaked in false bravado, let me put it another way: be kind, to yourself and others.
Easier said than done, you might say. Well, you’re wrong. It’s easier than you think. You just need to let go of the brainwashing you received as a kid. If you’re like me, the Cult of Machismo indoctrinated you, to a greater or lesser extent, into thinking you need to be constantly intimidating towards—and in competition with—your fellow men.
Many men in the United States have been duped into conforming with a life-limiting set of beliefs about what it means to be a “real” man. You can also call this paltry, minuscule set of “acceptable” male behaviors “toxic masculinity.” But if that term triggers your delicate sensibilities, then just call it “being an asshole.” No matter what you call it, restricting your ability to experience the full range of human emotions is terrible for your physical, mental, and social health.
There’s an utterly practical and seemingly selfish reason to avoid being an asshole: when you treat people like crap, they will usually return the favor. Therefore, keeping other people happy—or even just emotionally neutral—isn’t just squishy, lovey-dovey tripe. If people around you don’t have a reason to be pissed off at you, they’re less likely to make your life difficult. Therefore, to minimize inconvenience in your life, don’t be an asshole.
Yes, being kinder won’t necessarily keep other people from being assholes toward you sometimes. But this aspect of the heroic mindset allows you to stand apart from the prevailing stereotype of the shallow, angry, combative man. Also, remember the health benefits of avoiding chronic stress. Being an asshole leads to extra stress, and we all know stress kills.
Maybe I made you a little angry with this article. Good. That means I got your attention. Bottom line: if you want to walk the path toward being a more heroic man, start with not being an asshole. You’ll do yourself, and everyone else, a world of good.
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