Can you really get upset with someone for canceling a date because they had to work? Yes, yes you can.
I’ll be 30 in 3 short weeks and I’ve put aside starting a family, traveling, and many other things because I wanted to “work.” I needed to become “successful,” I needed to finish school, get the degrees, get the high powered job, all of the above, just to sit at home on a Monday and blog because I’m tired.
The amount of times I have turned down an event, party, trip or girls night because I have to work is countless. However around the age of 28 (so about two years ago) I decided that I didn’t want that for my life. My relationship was going down the drain, my friends weren’t really around and I took a look at my career and although everything was where I wanted it to be, nothing was right. My career had taken a toll on my life.
I was officially a workaholic.
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Since being single and entering the dating pool, I have only chosen men who are “workaholics”. I think I’m attracted to them, they are ambitious, determined, usually have their lives well put together. All of the things that are of some importance to me. And yet, none of them had time for me because of their careers. They put Corporate America before themselves without realizing that not only are they being duped by capitalism, they are losing out on potential life that is so much more than work.
Let’s take my most recent fling for this story.
We have so much in common, we get along great — even work in the same field. We’re comfortable on the couch together eating cheese and watching old movies, laughing about the bad graphics together. But his work comes first.
He doesn’t think that work comes first but when I didn’t hear from him for two weeks, the excuse was an exhaustive period at the office. Which I understand. But what I don’t understand is the ability to keep it on all the time. When does it turn off. When do you separate work and home? Why are you bringing your laptop to my house during dinner “just in case.”
There has to be a moment that the job turns off and life turns on. But when is it.
If you date a workaholic…
Be prepared to be put last because work comes first.
I’m saying this from experience on both ends. Work will always come first. The laptop, extra cell phones and planners come on vacations, to family gatherings and sometimes to restaurants.
My ex-fiance had had enough when I sat at brunch with his parents on my work cell tracking our live leads for the fortune 500 company that didn’t pay me nearly enough for what I did for them.
Put the phone away, please.
I looked at him like he was asking me to walk up and down the restaurant naked and rolled my eyes and explained that I can’t just turn my job off like he can.
Understand that dates, events, parties, whatever they may be, will get canceled.
- I have to go into work to blahblahblahblah so I’ll have to miss your nieces 5th birthday. She’s 5 so she won’t even remember.
- No, I can’t come to dinner tonight I’m so sorry — I’ll be working late.
- I have to run into the office on Saturday before we head out for the weekend it should only be a few minutes.
The excuses are endless. The cancelations always happen and it never ends. Tears will happen from friends and family when the workaholic cancels again.
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Next thing you know, I’m telling the workaholic he works too much for me. I need someone who can separate their work and their life. I’m reminding him that I’ve been him before and I’ll be around when he gets it.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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