Don’t Move In With Your Partner Without Doing These Things First

So you’ve been dating for over a year now, and you think it’s the best time to “level up” the relationship by moving in together.

But how soon is too soon when it comes to this topic? 6 months? A year? or 3 years of dating?

The answer is, of course — it depends.

I’ve had friends moving in with their partner 6 months after dating and another one after 5 years of dating. And I’m glad to report they’re still together and married now.

With that being said, you and your partner are the only people who know when is the right time to live together under one roof.

However, these are the things that you need to consider before pulling the trigger:

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Have some basic agreements

Is there any possibility of having a pet in the near future? How are you going to split the chores? Is your partner okay with having your friends come over like every weekend?

I know this sounds like nothing but some basic agreements need to be done before you pack your stuff and move in.

My partner and I made sure we knew our responsibilities in the house so they wouldn’t be unnecessary and repetitive fights.

If your reason for not talking about this earlier is, “we love each other. We’ll figure it out as we go,” then you’ll be surprised how annoying your partner is when the honeymoon phase wears off.

And trust me, you don’t want to go batshit crazy thinking why in the world they can’t seem to help you with throwing out the garbage.

Get clear where the relationship is heading

Think about it, do you actually want to live with somebody who’s not clear whether they’re committed to you or not?

It’s fine if they don’t want to get married the next year, but at least you have this idea about “what are we.”

And that needs to be discussed before you move in together.

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Make it clear from the beginning that it’s an exclusive relationship (unless you genuinely want to keep it casual and okay with them still seeing someone else).

Lower your expectations

“Respect, trust and kindness are the ingredients of a good relationship” ― Máire O’ Leary, Freewheeling to Love

I had these high expectations before moving in with my partner. I thought it was going to be a cuddle day all day, and we wouldn’t have misunderstandings as we had in our long-distance relationship.

Man, I was so so wrong.

So don’t repeat my mistake. Putting too many expectations on how it’s going to be when you live together will only put pressure on the relationship.

Both people will try too hard to live up to that expectations.

Keep the fun activities

Many couples, when they move in together, they just stop going out altogether. They skip a date night outside and stay indoors as much as they can. And then one (or both) of them will feel like the relationship is no longer fun.

The chemistry isn’t as strong as before, and the sex life has become a little boring. They feel like an old couple trapped in this situation. They are no longer themselves.

This thing is more common to happen when you ditch all the fun activities you used to do before you lived together.

So to prevent it from happening to you, of course, is to keep them. Refrain from making drastic changes to the couple’s routine. Even better, keep that weekly schedule to see your friends without your partner.

Get comfortable with the money conversation

I was very insecure about money when my partner and I lived together, and I wish I could learn how to be open about it first before even staying in the same place for a whole year.

Not many people are comfortable with the money topics; how much you make, your spending habits and etc. But this is something you can’t avoid if you want to move in with your partner.

You have to talk around this money thing at least for once. The purpose of it is because you need to know that you’re both on the same page with it comes to finance.

And if not, it doesn’t mean you have to break up, but maybe it’s worth questioning yourself again to live with someone who’s not financially responsible.

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Overall, moving in together doesn’t mean your relationship will be all roses and sunshine. Just like anything in life, there will always be problems.

You probably will see the truest color of your partner when you live together. And it’s going to decide whether that relationship is for eternity or just another trial on your love life journey.

In the meantime, take your time to have the conversation. It’s better to be a bit “late” than rush it out.

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Hi! Anggun here. I write about all things that you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you feel less alone on your journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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