Doomed to Never Find Love? This Will Change Your Story…

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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.

“The Stories We Tell Ourselves”

We all have our personal story about why we are going to struggle to find love, about why we have struggled to find love, about why it’s never going to happen for us in the future. One of my favorite things to do is to dissolve those stories so that we can finally go out there and get what we deserve in this area. This is a story that I wanted to share with you that can give you hope and a new belief in your love life. As you watch this story with one of my favorite people in the world, I want you to think about the story you’ve been telling yourself about why you’re not gonna find love and see if by the end of this story you don’t feel a little bit lighter.

There was this one person on this program that called me up a couple of months back because she had some things happen in her life since that program. When she made that call, I heard it and thought, “You gotta come back. You’ve got to come back, and I need you to tell other people what you’ve done.” So she came back, and I’m going to bring her up here, and we’re just going to spend five minutes talking about what she has done since because her story is a very interesting one and so relevant to all of us. So, um, Angie, where are you? There she is. Okay, give it up for Angela, everybody.

[Applause]

Doing… no, that’s 10 years or eight years now. Wow, was it that long ago? Yeah, and I haven’t aged a bit. You haven’t?

So you came on that program, and I remember maybe a good place to start is I know there was a big event in your life. Yeah, yeah, let’s fill people in on that because I feel like that gives us context for everything that we’ll say after that. So as you can see, I — or you might not be able to see how we are prosthetic, and my story is quickly that I was 23, and I was making my way home from work, and life is great. I was with friends, I had a job I loved, and in the moment, everything changed. I sadly was hit by a drunk driver, and when he hit me in a van at 70 miles per hour…

Um… I was injured for life, and the injuries I have now happened at that moment. The hardest thing was when my leg was taken from the impact of the vehicle, the driver stood over me and walked away. And this is what led me to Matthew because being in the hospital and getting told you’re injured, you’re not going to walk again, you’re not going to live independently again, we don’t know if you’re going to be able to feed yourself or dress yourself. I defied that. I made you — when I left the hospital, that I would walk again. I walked in crutches, but that was good enough. But my self-worth was on the ground, and there was nothing around me that showed me how to put that together. So I went on to YouTube, and it was one of Matthew’s earlier videos.

[Laughter]

And he was in a park. Park was in London. Uh, it was in Barclay Square, yeah. And I remember the video nowadays we have Jameson and everything. I was sat on a bench just filming myself, and it wasn’t on an iPhone; it was on like an old Sony cam. Yeah, and it was a bit core confidence, and I knew what confidence was. You know, you read in the magazines or your friends tell you, “Be more confident.” But I knew my confidence was on the ground more than most because the thought that was left with me was like, how am I worthy if somebody could walk away and leave me?

Hmm. So I clicked on the video, I watched it, I wrote every word down — what confidence is, what the labels are, like I’ve done the same as you guys, and I still do the same thing. I watch the videos, I learn everything from it, and one of the biggest things that ladies have taught me is we share the same thing. We just get it. What you’re saying, you know? So when I went on his website and you’re doing an event down in London, and it was about confidence, wasn’t it? And then I went to speak to Matthew, and again, he was bouncing from one side to the other, and it was like, this is amazing. And the ladies who I met there are the ladies who went to the retreat in Florida and were still friends to this day. And we’re not friends because of what Matthew’s connected us to because the journal that we’ve experienced and we’re still experiencing, and I’m still tapping into Matthew’s work today because I still want to go to that next level.

“And What . . . ?”

You. So that kind of brings us to The Retreat because I remember a very specific moment on

that retreat where — I mean, look, I remember a few specific moments with you, but I remember a very specific moment on the retreat where we were doing — it was the last day, and we were doing graduation, and you had to get up and speak in front of everyone, and it was something that you weren’t sure you could do. And I remember asking you, “What do you want to say to everyone in this room?” And what was it that you said?

And what…? What…? Why?

I remember saying, “It’s not where you start; it’s where you finish.”

And I remember everyone just went absolutely nuts.

You know what’s interesting about that?

What?

People say, “Oh, it’s not where you start; it’s where you finish,” and that can sound kind of cliche. Yeah. And yet, when you say it, it doesn’t sound cliche at all. It’s interesting. I was like, “Where’s he going with this?” Because it’s true.

Yeah. It’s true. And by the way, like, you don’t just say things like that. Like, you lived that.

Yeah.

And what I loved about that moment is you didn’t just say it; you demonstrated it.

Yeah.

And you’ve continued to demonstrate it since. I mean, you’re walking proof of that. But for everyone in the room that was there and everyone who’s watching right now, like, it’s so easy to feel like where you are right now is where you’re going to be forever. It’s so easy to feel like the story you’re telling yourself right now is the story that’s going to define you for the rest of your life. And I love having people like you in my life who have overcome such incredible obstacles because you remind all of us that that’s not true.

I love that. I think the interesting thing is what I find is some people could look at this, and they could say, “Well, what does that have to do with me finding love?” It has everything to do with you finding love because when you can look at someone who has had their leg taken from them, who has been left by a man after an accident, when you can see someone who’s gone through that and then hear them say, “It’s not where you start; it’s where you finish,” it puts everything in perspective. You might be sitting there saying, “Oh, well, you know, I had a bad relationship. I haven’t been able to find anyone,” or, “This happened to me. That happened to me.” It’s all about perspective.

So, I mean, I want to ask you, how have you found your perspective around relationships has changed since doing this work? Well, the great thing is I was that girl that went to school that had all the boyfriends. That’s what I thought.

[Laughter]

But now, looking back, I can see it was that I had to be with a man to know that I was loved. And I had to be with a man to feel significant. And I had to be with a man to feel like I’m going somewhere. And that was only ever going to end in disaster, wasn’t it? It was never going to end good. And so when I came on that program, my relationship with men and myself was non-existent. And I came out with a relationship, the most important relationship. And it’s like when you come off the program, you go back to life. Everything that you’ve learned and everything that you’re still doing is still current. So when you go back to your life, and you go back to everything that you’ve done, you’re not going back to it as the old person. You’re going back to it as this new person, and you’re carrying yourself with a different energy. And when you do that, the people around you change, the dynamics change. The first person to change is the person in the mirror. And I had to keep on, like, pushing myself because when you’re going back to your old environment, it’s easy to just be like, “Oh, I can’t be bothered with this. This is not the person I am. Why am I having to do this?” And I had a moment of that. Yeah, I remember you had a couple of moments like that. A couple of wobbles. Well, there were moments where I’d think, “This is ridiculous. I shouldn’t have to do this,” and my mind will tell me, “Well, you didn’t used to have to do this, and you were this,” and it’s just you. And I’m like, “Hold on a minute. It’s not working.” Yeah.

I had to remind myself that I need to look at things with the vision of the woman I am becoming because when I do that, I keep myself on the path, and when I keep myself on the path, the people around me start changing. And the biggest thing is — because I went on the program at the age of 38 — and the biggest thing is people saying, “Well, you’re too old to find love.” Yeah. “You’re 38. You’re too old to find love.” Well, I’ve been on this program. I know who I am, and I had to keep on pushing forward and looking forward because when I did, the people around me changed.

“I Had to Go Into the Darkness”

It’s so interesting that that’s the story you’re telling yourself, and it’s the story that so many people tell themselves, which is, “I’m too old. I’m too old. I’m too old.” It’s a way of giving up. Yeah. “It’s too late for me.” It’s a way of giving up, and it’s a way of letting yourself off the hook. Yeah. And you know what’s interesting about that is the story we tell ourselves about why we can’t find love is the very thing that stops us from finding love. Yeah. And the reason is, like, when you tell yourself a story like, “I’m too old,” or, “I’m too damaged,” or, “I’m too this,” or, “I’m too that,” it’s like you’ve given yourself a built-in excuse to not go after what you want. So what happens is you’re sitting there saying, “Well, I can’t find love because I’m too old,” and then someone asks you on a date, and you’re like, “Oh, I’m not going to go because I’m too old,” and then you don’t go on the date, and then you sit at home, and you’re like, “Well, I can’t find love,” and then you’re sitting there saying, “Well, I can’t find love,” and you’re not going on dates, and it’s like this vicious cycle, and then you use the story to beat yourself up. Yeah. Because you’re like, “Oh, I can’t find love,” and then you’re like, “Oh, I’m too old,” and then you don’t go on dates, and then you’re sitting at home, and you’re like, “Well, I can’t find love,” and then you’re like, “Oh, I’m too old,” and then you don’t go on dates, and then you’re sitting at home, and you

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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