If it take a village to raise a child, how many villages does it take to raise two children? Someone once told me that I should have a second child as soon as I can because the effort to parent a second child was significantly lesser. As they said it, 1+1=1.5 but we all know the math doesn’t add up.
Brie was born during the infamous Circuit Breaker period in 2020. The whole family was really excited to welcome her. She was the bright spark amidst an otherwise gloomy period of our lives. We were initially afraid that Arielle might be jealous of her new sibling taking away the bulk of our attention but she was the sweetest girl, always showering her little sister with lots of love as well. All was good.
Fast forward a couple of years and now Brie is an independent toddler who is now able to express her preferences and ideas. What happens when you have two young ladies in the house with very different views of how the world works?
They fight, all the time.
So in the past year, I’ve learnt a few tricks about managing sibling dynamics and ensuring fairness for both. I’m nowhere near perfect but maybe some of these tips could come in handy, especially for parents who are thinking about having a second child.
1. Buy the same presents
I used to think that buying different presents for the girls was more thoughtful. It made sense to me to buy them age-appropriate stuff or things that they have expressed interest in.
However, the grass is always greener on the other side. So for some weird reason, the girls always seem to prefer what their sister got. Swapping was hardly an option because they want to keep what they were given but at the same time get what their sister had too.
It never occurred to me that I was giving them differential treatment until Petrine told me that she felt the same way when she was younger. Her parents used to buy different stuff for her and her brother but she would very much prefer getting the same thing as her brother so that it was “fair”.
Pro-tip 1: Just make the grass the same on both sides. Buy the same presents for both and avoid any differential treatment.
2. Game theory — I cut, you pick
Like any other kid, the girls love their chocolate, snacks and cakes. Most times, I try to get them to share one serving but it’s so hard to ensure fairness. I mean you can never slice a piece of cake into two identical pieces so you’ll end up with them fighting for the “better” piece.
I came across this parenting hack that suggests for the siblings to “split the work”. Using a cake as an example, if A slices the cake, B gets to choose her portion first. This would make A try to slice the cake as evenly as possible so she doesn’t end up with the “smaller” piece.
This works for anything that needs to be split into half. Whether it’s a chocolate bar or a slice of cake, consider it done. It even works for drinks and ice cream where you’d have A pour two equal cups or scoop two equal scoops and have B choose which one she prefers.
Pro-tip 2: Get 1 sibling to divide the pie and let the other sibling choose her portion first. Rotate the roles regularly for more fairness.
3. Promote shared experiences
Having a 4-year age gap means that they don’t have a lot of shared experiences in school. So whenever possible, I try to create more shared experiences at home. This could mean from being a manicure model for them (one hand each) to becoming a fictional monster that chases them in their made-up fairy tales. The shared experiences help them understand each others’ preferences more and in turn bond more. They especially love teaming up against me as the “common enemy”.
Pro-tip 3: Get them to team up and compete with you to see who completes the household chores faster (eg fold clothes, sweep the floor, clean the table). Then pretend to lose to them.
…
About the author
Caleb is a millennial dad to two beautiful daughters and enjoys exploring issues around technology, health, and parenting. In his free time, he daydreams about what the future holds for humanity.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
Photo credit: Caleb Tan (Author)
***
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
 |
 |
 |
 |
—–
