Today has been incredibly hard for me. One of those days that I wish I could go to sleep and wake up in a couple months when it’s all over. I have spent the day packing and prepping for my trip to see my father. My very ill father. In all likelihood this is the last holiday I will ever spend with him.
I don’t want to go. It feels very selfish but I don’t want to be dealing with this right now. So I have spent my day not avoiding the emotions but appreciating the other blessings in my life. When everything starts to feel overwhelming and it seems like I am going to be stuck in this moment forever I remind myself that isn’t the truth. These are just emotions and there have been plenty of times in my life when things seemed insurmountable and unchangeable and yet they changed.
Three years ago I had no home. Now I live in the highlands of Panama with a climate that is eternally spring and rainbows grace the sky near every day. Last year, I had no steady job. I was picking up any little bit of work I could scrounge together. This year I began working for a really cool entrepreneur who has his hands in many different businesses as he develops new gadgets and technologies. Most days there’s more work than I can complete.
I had to leave a lot behind to get where I am. It was not a pleasant journey the entire time. But things will turn around. I may be going to say goodbye to my father and it may be far sooner than I’d ever imagined but this is a part of life. So, I will share as much joy with him as I can in the following week and I will acknowledge the sadness when it comes. But I will get through it. It won’t be like this forever.
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