My dear sweet baby boy,
There is so much I want to say. My words fail me at times. Sadly, over the course of your life some people may fail you too. I hope to not be one of them. I hope you will understand that sometimes your Mama is sad. I struggle with a juggling act where I carry too many balls, each plummeting from the air out of my control. There are days I watch you, and I cry. Those are my happy tears.
They told me I’d never have you, could never have you. Medical experts said I wouldn’t be able to carry you since I only have one functioning kidney. But, you were my dream. I saw you long before I understood who I was seeing. I knew one day you would be a reality despite the medical advice. Dreams do come true.
My neo natal specialist told me to have my bags during the Christmas before you were born. He was eager to take you. You weren’t scheduled to make your appearance until St. Patrick’s Day. We held out till Valentine’s Day, you and me together. We had to get those lungs ready to breathe. You were born an Aquarius, my water bearing air baby. You screamed only for a brief time after my final push, but you were ready. It was I who was unprepared. Some days, I am still not ready.
I want you to have the world. I will work my fingers bloody, my bones tired, and I will go without to ensure you have what is needed. There is one thing I can never prepare you to experience. This letter is written in order to soften the blow. I doubt it will. You are also my headstrong bull charging forth into life. You are tougher than I. You may not need these words, but they will be printed out and tucked away, just in case.
There will come a day when someone will try to defeat your dreams.
They will tell you every reason why you can’t do something, and they will offer no assistance or help. I call them “Dream Crushers.” You do not need these people in your life.
I’ve been on this Earth for awhile now, and I still can’t understand why people can’t lift up others? I wish I had the answers for you, but I don’t. Maybe their parents didn’t believe in them. Maybe their dreams were crushed too early and they stopped dreaming altogether. I can give you a thousand speculations as to why they may act this way.
The truth is, their opinion doesn’t matter. The only opinion you need to base yourself in is YOUR OPINION OF YOURSELF. Once you form this opinion, I will believe in whatever you decide to do. Now, my belief in you ends when you start committing felonies or self harming. I don’t believe in those things.
If you decide to build a flying car, I support you.
I expect you to work hard to reach your dreams, but I believe you can make whatever dream you desire into fruition. If you think you have a more efficient way to fly into space, then I will build spaceships with you. Even if our creation never leaves the ground, we at least tried… you tried. Out of everything in this world, do you know what matters the most to me? Your willingness to try. In trying, you at least attempted to make something wonderful. You tried at something to benefit a society instead of tearing it down. I see no fault in trying. Even if trying means failing.
You love Batman right now. I tell you every day, “You are Batman.” To me, you are Batman. In the movie “The Dark Knight” there is a quote:
“Some men just want to watch the world burn.”
Unfortunately, this sentiment is true at times. Some men have no desire to build a better tomorrow. They do not want to see others succeed. They would love nothing more than to tear down cities, civilizations, and creations for the simple pleasure in watching things burn. I beg of you, please don’t become one of these men. Don’t destroy something beautiful. Instead, add to its already existing beauty, make it stronger. It is within these things I have the greatest hopes for you.
You can bring a torch to a city, but will you be there to rebuild a better one? The world is filled with people who have torches, yet… no one seems to willing to rebuild a better structure.
I will teach you to love. I will always believe in you, unless you commit felonies and cause hurt or pain. Otherwise, you have one person on your team, forever and always. When two people stand together, they become a team. When in doubt, begin to build from there. Even when I am no longer here to stand physically beside you, my spirit and memory will always believe in you. This belief will last forever, throughout all your life. If you believe in great things, you can accomplish everything.
You have my love forever, even on the days I am sad. You were once my dream. You are living proof dreams can come true.
Love you more than all the universe,
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