TASK #2: EARS TOTALLY SHUT
“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” Ernest Hemingway
So I’m sitting on my deck this morning, having coffee, making excuses for myself–related to my un-begun new year’s resolutions–listening to my wife’s weird, but not unusual, story about Zoey’s (our dog) attempt to eat another dog’s shit, which in my opinion says a lot about chocolate labs as well as my wife–and before I can get that ugly image out of my head, my oldest son comes out, leans over and says, “Jake Tapper just got into it with Stephen Miller.” I shrug. I think I know who Jake Tapper is, but I’m not sure, and I barely know who Miller is, although I know he’s one of Trump’s angrier surrogates.
I knew that he was a Trump guy, and I suspected that he kept that fact to himself, and I told him that I wanted to talk about Trump, and after we switched to beer and he downed to Stellas, he opened up. And I listened.
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I look blankly at my son, which means “I don’t give a shit”, and he shakes his head and walks away.
Only I do give a shit, because lately I’ve been getting really bothered over the ever-widening chasm between my Republican brothers and myself. We used to argue over Clinton, and we argued over Bush, and we argued over Obama, but now we can’t even bring ourselves to discuss Trump. I mean, four of us will be hunched over a beer and someone–the Republican one–will say, “did you see that tweet today?”, and the rest of us will change the subject or
just stop talking altogether. Why? Because if one of the other guys, or someone who overheard the comment says “it was so fuckin’ right on” or “it was so fuckin’ stupid”, it turns into an vicious argument, and in manner of minutes fire is coming out of someone’s eyes and someone else is spewing spittle all over the bar and things are said that can never be taken back…
So I went to my office, closed the door, fired up my Dell and typed in JAKE TAPPER STEPHEN MILLER, and in two shakes of a Democrat’s ass, there were four or five million references to the interview, with one declaring “Stephen Miller Escorted Out of CNN after Botched Interview”.
I watched it. It was ugly. Miller is a loud mouth apologist, repeating the same lines over and over like a hack rehearsing for a local theatre group; and Tappan, visibly upset, basically ignored him by shuffling paper and asking the same questions that we already we know the answer to, and when he couldn’t stop Miller’s ranting, he abruptly ended the interview.
I’ve seen other spectacles like this over the years that involved more interesting people, with more at stake, but this particular exchange was so lacking in social grace, so uninspiring, so indicative of this contentious time that I decided to do something that wasn’t done on that show–to listen to someone who I totally disagree with, and not stop them from talking, but let them expound endlessly if necessary, and not interrupt.
Man, did I listen. And I didn’t agree with almost anything he said. But I swallowed my anger and my peevishness and I listened some more. And at the end of the night we both felt better…at least I did.
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So that’s what I did. I called up a friend of mine who isn’t as close as some are to me, but a good friend nonetheless. We met at a diner, ordered a coffee, and talked about politics. I knew that he was a Trump guy, and I suspected that he kept that fact to himself, and I told him that I wanted to talk about Trump, and after we switched to beer and he downed to Stellas, he opened up. And I listened.
Man, did I listen. And I didn’t agree with almost anything he said. But I swallowed my anger and my peevishness and I listened some more. And at the end of the night we both felt better…at least I did.
TASK:
Find someone that likes everything that you don’t like–politically. Ask a question that will get him/her talking. Then listen.
Photo by peta_azak