Most men think that they need a clever line to approach a woman, which in some cases may garner a reaction. But through all my years of coaching men and women, I have found that it is not what you say that’s important, but how you approach.
Most women put more importance on visual clues to assess a man’s character. They don’t care what you say as long as you say it without hesitation and with authority. Unfortunately, most men don’t know this, so they walk over and approach a woman like a wounded animal expecting to be rejected.
When you approach like a wounded animal you will be rejected every single time no matter how clever of a line or remark you may have.
With eighty percent of human interaction based on non-verbal body language, what is a man to do? The key to impressing her right off the bat is you need to be different than all other men that are approaching her that evening in the bar or lounge. It is really competitive at night, and most women will start to lose interest in men after a few jerks have hit on them, so you need to learn to use a few of these tips to make you stand out from the crowd of drunk testosterone-laden men.
Here a few sure-fire ways to make your approach more powerful and convincing even if you are not sure what you are going to say:
1. When you see a woman that you are attracted to you need to walk right over. Stand up straight and walk over slowly but with confidence. Make sure your chest is puffed out and your posture is looking strong and not slumped over. You need to keep eye contact as you approach so you do not spook her. You also need to walk directly over to her without any hesitation. With practice, you will get comfortable doing this. Most men linger in the background like a scared animal for a period of time before they approach. When they finally do approach, the woman is quick to turn her back on him. The reason is he did not exude confidence. Most women notice who is observing them. When you do not approach within seconds of spotting her you might as well go home and get your game on for another night or day.
2. When out on the town, avoid being seen with the drunken testosterone pack of males. One of the biggest turn-offs for women is the “male pack”—you with five of your buddies high-fiving each other, drinking and checking out other women. Yes, women make note of this childlike behavior and when you approach them with your buddies waiting on the sideline they will impulsively reject you in front of the pack to avoid being scrutinized later. You need to break away from the male pack and find one other guy who is like you to go out on the town with. Save the male bonding and excessive testosterone for a sports bar.
3. Dress in clothing that gives you a strong appearance. Make sure you’re not sabotaging your efforts with your attire. Following the steps above will fall short of projecting great body language if you are wearing a pair of baggy khakis and ratty sneakers out at night. If you look like a slob it will not matter what your body language says because you will look like every other man who put no thought into what he was going to wear that night to attract women. Start buying clothing that makes you stand out from the rest of the men. Find a cool pair of jeans and some great shirts that give you an edge so when you walk into a bar or lounge with the right body language women will see you. When you have dressed the part, women will give you a double take and follow your every move. Keep in mind shoes are really important too, so find a few pairs that look great on you.
4. After you walk over you need to create a spark within her. Most men’s conversation will center on being agreeable and non-confrontational in the hope that she likes him. The key word here is “hope”—that is the mindset of the average man. They are so jazzed that she is actually speaking with him, so they play it safe and hope that she likes him. In the mind of a woman, playing it safe equals boring! So you need to spark her interest by being a bit disagreeable. For example, you get into the conversation about movies and she says that Spiderman III was her favorite Spidey movie so far. The typical male would agree with her even if his opinion is that the first Spiderman was superior. Instead of being agreeable, you would look her right in the eye with confidence and tell her that she is so wrong—the first Spiderman was superior. Then proceed to tell her why you think so. This will create a fun, friendly, flirtatious verbal sparring which will create a spark in her brain. She will realize that you are not a pushover like most men and attraction will start to form in her head.
5. Maintain some tension after you meet. Flirting with women is all about gathering information, so the better listener you are, the more you will know about her. So when you call her you will have many things to speak with her about. What I like to do is, before I call I think about everything she said and then I pick the juiciest topic or opinion and challenge her with it. For example, going back to the example of Spiderman III, I would text her the next day and challenge her with this text:
I was thinking U & I need 2 re-watch Spiderman. U R so wrong. Name the time & place & I’ll bring the DVD.
By challenging her, you are bringing her back to a moment of tension that she shared with you. She will immediately respond to the challenge and text you back. You have just learned the secret of re-creating the tension that you shared with her plus you are being totally unlike every other guy who waits three days to call her and schedule a predictable dinner date.
The secret to capturing her attention and creating that spark is do not be like everyone else. Follow the above tips and you will become the alpha male that women desire.
Originally published on David Wygant
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