Elon Musk Bought a Fried Chicken Joint the Same Day He Bought Twitter

While everyone was busy with Elon Musk’s purchase of Twitter, they missed his purchase of Willie Wingo’s Chicken Palace in the city of Alset, Maryland. Alset has a population of 188 proud Americans and is a suburb of Cumberland, Maryland. The only thing the town was ever famous for was this guy Willie Wingo and his fried chicken.

“Just the best chicken in the damned world,” one of the locals tells me by phone. “KFC, Popeye’s, Chik-Filet, all of them. They got nothing on Willie’s. Can’t believe it’s gone either.”

It is pretty sad.

In fact, Alset, a town deader than Jim Morrison of the Doors, was basically financially kept afloat by a wing joint. People traveling through and people nearby came day after day, night after night, to eat Willie’s famous chicken.

Funeral repasts? Willie’s chicken. Wedding parties? Willie’s chicken. No matter the occasion, anywhere in the vicinity, it was Willie Wingo’s wings.

It opened at 10:00 am every day and closed at 3:00 am. The place employed many of the people who lived there in the city.

But when Elon Musk purchased the restaurant, the locals knew their beloved joint was doomed.

“He’s gonna mess it all up,” Barbara Jackson said. “I knew it. What he know about fried chicken, and why did he buy it?”

The rumor is Musk had the chicken once when he was in the area scouting out sites to build Tesla and was hooked. He could not get enough of it. He was totally addicted.

“It was crack to him,” one of his assistants told me via email. “If he was within a few hundred miles of it, he would take a helicopter and buy as much as he could. It was truly sick. Then he would hit the treadmill to run off the grease. I told him to seek help. He just would say — go buy me some more chicken.”

Eventually, Musk decided to buy it. The plan was to move the entire operation down the street from his home. At first, Willie Wingo, the owner, and the brains behind the taste of the chicken told Musk it wasn’t for sale.

“Why would I sell? I like it here. I like my town. I am a local. He sounded like a maniac. Buy a chicken joint? I thought he was crazy. Then he offered me so much that I had to take it. In fact, everyone who worked there could retire with the money he offered. So, I sold.”

Little did Willie know that at first Musk just wanted to keep the place going and then move it later once he learned the ropes. He brought in some cooks to run it and they had no idea what they were doing, according to reports.

“It was a disaster,” said Willie Wingo. “I bought some just to taste it, and I vomited after eating one piece. It was pathetic. People immediately stopped going. Then, the fire occurred. The whole joint — gone. I should have told the guy to take his money elsewhere. Go buy a bowling alley or something.”

No one knows how the fire occurred but Musk was there the night of the fire according to witnesses. He was allegedly supervising the frying of the chicken. There were a lot of people there too. Not to eat chicken but to take selfies with Musk.

“I think that’s when the fire happened,” said Willie Wingo. “Musk was outside with people taking selfies with them in front of a Tesla, and next thing, the place was on fire.”

“How do you know this?”

“I live right across the street where I have lived for 40 years. I kind of saw it coming. You can’t walk away from hot grease.”

“Was someone watching the grease?”

“Who knows? I am just glad the money he paid me is in my account. I wouldn’t be able to fix that place up and re-open.”

“Would you re-open if he asked you to take it over?”

“Hell no. Let Musk fix it. But he can’t. When I sold him the restaurant, he forgot to buy the recipes from me. He was basically making it up as he went along. Even if he re-opened it, after a rebuild, his chicken tastes like broken glass.”

I did call Musk and tried to get a statement from him on the place but all I got back was a message. He said the same thing he said when he bought Twitter”

“The bird is free.”

Judging by the burned-up chicken joint called Willie Wingo’s in Alset, Maryland, the bird is, indeed, free. From that hot grease that is.

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Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire.