What does it mean to have a sense of entitlement?
If someone has a sense of entitlement, it means the person believes he or she deserves certain privileges or special treatment.
This has been dramatized a lot across the media in the past, but the reality is that it’s more common than you might think. It’s also a very easy trap to fall in to.
Think about it, we all know that person who’s constantly aggrandizing their achievements, or bemoaning their failures. Normally in some sort of public setting. It’s a means of attention-seeking with either the goal of getting a pat on the back or a wave of consolation and validation.
What does an entitled person look like?
The typical example of an entitled person is someone who sets unrealistic self-image goals (normally in their own head, and often subconsciously.) They will do anything to continue their quest to reinforce their self-belief – even to the detriment of others.
The lesser-known type of entitled person is the opposite side of the coin. They curse their luck, complain constantly about their failings and plans which have gone to shit.
You’ll recognize them when you see them – they’re “that friend” who starts a post on Facebook with “you’ll never believe what happened to me today” and then waits for a response of some sort – then replies publicly to say they can’t talk about it ….“inbox me hun.”
They’re the person that constant dumps a shit-ton of negativity into your backyard, bringing in their dramas
Both of the above examples have some very important things in common:
1. Both seek constant attention and validation from their peers (or anyone who will provide the response they’re looking for in the moment)
2. Both have a similar outcome:
- “I’m awesome, look at me – I deserve special treatment”
- “I suck, I have terrible luck, everything is so hard for me – so I deserve special treatment”
The entitlement trap
The problem is that either of the above is really easy traps to fall into. You can become one of these people without even realizing it’s happening to you.
Some kind of trauma or drama in your upbringing can leave a gap in your life which you’re not even aware of. Filling that gap with either sympathy or validation can become a habit that’s really hard to break. Before you know it – you’re “that girl” or “that guy”
Another contributing factor (I believe) is technology. The advances in the internet and social media. Having access to 5 billion images of celebrities and friends all having awesome lives. Never-ending streams of the most extraordinary or extreme events, achievements and people. It makes us feel ordinary and mundane – which the media tells us daily is dull and pointless.
Read more on that topic here: Why “casual extremism” is bad for your happiness
So what do we do? We compete. We step up to the mark to prove we’re not “normal” or “ordinary.” Screaming for attention constantly puts such pressure on us and can escalate badly if we’re not careful.
Some harsh truths
First off. You need to accept some home truths. I doubt you’ll enjoy reading this but the facts below are 100% reality. You are not special. Your problems and achievements are not unique. I guarantee that you are not the only person in the world to have problems, or face challenges. You’re not the best in the world OR the worst. We’re all going to die one day and the vast majority of our choices and dramas won’t have any lasting impact on the grand scheme of things.
If you feel victimized in one area of your life – is it actually true? Possibly in some cases. But does it make you unique? No. Millions of other people will have felt the same way at some point and would have needed to deal with the problem one way or another.
If you were the best in the world at something you certainly don’t need to spend time telling everyone who’ll listen to you!
The truth is when someone is truly exceptional at something, it’s down to a self-belief that they could improve, could get better – not that they’re already the greatest – and so they put in the work – ridiculous amounts of it.
What this means is that if you’re genuinely great in one area of your life, then you probably suck in other areas – we can’t do everything, there are only so many hours in a day. It’s best you accept that now in order to improve your left and happiness.
Why is being entitled even a problem?
Well, you’re unlikely to build lasting friendships with either of the above-entitled attitudes. At some point, people will become tired of your shit.
Secondly, you’re not going to be happy with yourself.
Spending all that energy to constantly convince yourself that you don’t have problems and you’re great at everything or the reverse, that you suck and everything is terrible – it’s exhausting.
If you’re constantly seeking approval or sympathy – yes you’ll get a very brief “high” when you receive the reaction you’re looking for, but honestly, these highs are temporary and unsustainable.
Finally, with all that wasted energy, you’re not actually spending the time needed to improve yourself. You’re too busy either convincing people you’re great or whining about how dreadful your life is – without actually addressing the problems in the first place.
So what is the solution to entitlement?
Ultimately it comes down to the individual – to you.
You need to accept reality and be comfortable with it.
You need to accept that the media is teaching us that “extraordinary” is deserved by all. The funny thing is that if everyone were extraordinary – then that would become the new normal!
You’re being sold bullshit. Every day.
Nobody is happy all the time. All the people in the media, all over your Facebook feed, the rich and famous and celebs – they have problems too. Nobody’s life is perfect.
Stop trying to compete with the imaginary picture.
Stop reaching for perfection – it doesn’t exist.
Accept that “ordinary” is fine and normal. 99% of people in the world are ordinary – are you truly arrogant enough to say that they don’t matter?
Accept that in the grand scheme of things, the difference you leave in the world will be minimal at best.
If you can accept these things if you can admit to yourself your qualities and weaknesses then strive to actually improve upon the problems in your life. This is how you find happiness and contentment. This is how you feel free of the pressure to be something you’re not. You can drop the entitled attitude and start making actual progress in your life.
As a result, you’ll improve yourself and get some humility and gratefulness in the process. You’ll enjoy your time on this earth more, even when you’re “ordinary” like the rest of us.
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Previously published on Whatsyouroutcome.com.
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Photo credit: istockphoto.com