Everyone likes to have someone sing their praises every once in a while. It can feel good to be the focus of someone’s attention, but it’s worth treading with caution.
Love bombing is a manipulative tactic often used by narcissists to sway and lock in a potential partner. They compliment you excessively and make plans for the future without getting to know you first. They may also profess love early on in the relationship.
Despite my reservations, I went on a date with a guy recently. I made my expectations of not wanting a relationship very clear to him. Yet, he still wanted to hold my hand and made over-the-top comments about how amazing I am. He wondered where I had been all his life. Red flag!
This might sound nice and romantic, but this is not something you say to someone you just met. Narcissists tend to reel partners in through grand gestures of affection, then do a complete 360, which often includes abusive and controlling behaviors. They want their partner to be emotionally dependent on them, which gives them more advantage to manipulate.
This can eventually lead to the narcissist devaluing their partner, which may include disrespecting you in private but doting on you in front of friends and family to seem charming and harmless.
A narcissist will often discard a partner without taking accountability for their actions. It can be confusing and unsettling to have a partner breach your trust, gaslight you, and throw you out despite all those empty yet flattering praises they showered you with in the beginning.
They may even use those same compliments to reel you back in after a bad fight. In their minds, their “love” for you supposedly triumphs and even justifies their abuse, and they expect you to take them back when it’s convenient for them. Otherwise, the narcissist may end the relationship and leave you feeling like the villian.
It’s important to acknowledge that some people may think they have good intentions when they show affection or compliment a prospective partner. But take it from someone who has been love bombed: a simple “you look nice tonight” is a totally acceptable and appreciated compliment on a first date.
“I enjoyed hanging out with you, hope to see you again soon” shows that they can observe boundaries and is much more acceptable than texting someone almost daily to see when they’re available to hang out again. That is obssessive behavior and demonstrates that they need to be the center of your attention despite your other obligations.
If something feels off, it probably is. Trust your gut.
Plus, we all know how awesome we are without needing a date to affirm that for us.
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What experiences have you had with love bombing? How did you navigate it? Feel free to share your thoughts and comments. Thanks for reading.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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