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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.
Haunted by a Past Mistake?
Do you feel like you’ve made a mistake in a recent dating situation or relationship that has been haunting you? Perhaps you believe that this mistake ruined a chance at what could have been a great relationship or that the person you lost might have been “the one.” You may have been ruminating over your actions and beating yourself up, wondering if there’s anything you can still do to remedy the situation or get that person back.
Five Keys to Feeling Better
Today, I’ll provide you with five keys to feeling better if you’re struggling with regret over a past dating mistake. The fifth point will address whether or not there is a way to reconnect, including a specific text you can send. It’s essential, however, to watch the first four points, as they will help you feel better almost instantly.
Before diving into the tips, I want to share a question I received from one of my love life members.
“This One Moment Ruined Everything”
Dana says, “I was dating this amazing guy for about four months, and unfortunately, I pushed him away with my insecurities. I’m aware of my attachment style and issues, and I’ve done a lot of work in that department, including therapy and studying relationships. Everything was smooth and consistent until we were about to define our relationship. For some reason, I freaked out and, instead of expressing my concerns and communicating in a healthy way, I lashed out and bombarded him with assumptions.
I’m 99% sure these were just my fears talking. I ended things and blocked him without giving him a chance to reply. I know that was a huge red flag to him and extremely immature. It even feels irreparable. That’s not me; I had this one moment, and it ruined everything. The next day, I approached him, expressed how sorry I was, and tried the healthy communication I should have initiated earlier. Needless to say, he didn’t want to hear from me, as any healthy and mature person would. Matthew always teaches us not to waste time on the wrong person, and that’s exactly what he’s doing. But I want to repair and do better, so my question is: Can this be fixed? How do I create the possibility of repairing things with him?”
How This Triggers Our Anxiety
Firstly, if you can relate to this situation in any way, take a deep breath. Know that all the opportunities you need in your life are still ahead of you. When we go through situations like this, they can trigger our deepest anxieties and evoke feelings of self-loathing. We often think, “I had a shot with this person and I blew it. Because of that, I’m never going to find anything this great again.”
It’s crucial to notice the language we use. Dana mentions, “I ended things and blocked him without giving him a chance to reply.” She recognizes it was a red flag and describes herself as extremely immature, saying, “It even feels irreparable.” This kind of catastrophic thinking is a common pitfall and can exacerbate feelings of shame.
1. Stop Shaming the Mistake
The first key to feeling better is to stop shaming yourself for the mistake. Instead, extend love to the part of you that made the mistake. Remember, this act of self-compassion is essential. We’ve all made mistakes in relationships—who hasn’t?
So instead of taking this personally, recognize that everyone messes up at some point. If you hadn’t made this mistake, there would most likely have been another situation that would have triggered you in the future. Life is full of complexities and possibilities; it’s crucial to stop creating a narrative where that one moment determined everything.
2. Do Not Simplify Life
Secondly, don’t simplify life by telling yourself that because of this mistake, everything has gone wrong. Life is much more complex than that; it’s composed of numerous potential outcomes. If Dana hadn’t made that mistake, who’s to say the relationship would have continued successfully?
Our anxiety leads us to believe that if we hadn’t made that mistake, everything would have unfolded perfectly. Don’t allow your anxiety to control the narrative.
3. Don’t Glorify the Person
Thirdly, avoid glorifying the person you feel bad about losing. Anxiety often causes us to paint the other person as perfect in order to highlight our own shortcomings. Remember, everyone makes mistakes, and this person you admire isn’t any different. They have flaws and imperfections, just as everyone does.
Dana’s mistake doesn’t define who she is, nor does it mean she’s inherently flawed while that person is perfect. Relationships are about two people evolving together, and recognition of our own humanity is key.
4. You Paid the Pain Tax
Fourth, recognize that the pain you’ve experienced serves as a “tax” for your learning. We all make mistakes, and that pain often fuels personal growth. Without the lessons learned from difficult experiences, we wouldn’t grow and evolve as individuals.
Dana, for instance, should reflect on what she’s learned from this experience, as acknowledging our growth often means we’re less likely to repeat our mistakes in the future.
5. The Strongest Message You Can Send
Finally, regarding Dana’s question on how to repair things: don’t overthink it. Simplify your approach. Send a message like, “Hey, I hope life is amazing for you right now. I was thinking of you and would love to reconnect if you’re open to it.”
When you eventually meet, the most potent message you can convey is who you have become since the mistake. It’s not about over-apologizing or groveling; rather, it’s about showing up with renewed energy. This energy demonstrates that you have forgiven yourself and that you’ve grown.
Simply put, your evolution is the strongest message you can send. When you show up with positivity and self-acceptance, people can sense the change in you.
Conclusion
If you never get the chance to reconnect with this person, remember that all the opportunities you will ever need are ahead of you. Thank you so much for watching. If you enjoy my coaching, consider joining my upcoming retreat in September in Florida. It will be an immersive experience for personal growth.
If you liked this video, check out the next one that we’ve handpicked just for you. Take care, and remember to love life. Leave a comment if you’d like; I enjoy reading them! See you in the next video!
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG
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