Find the Tension. Run Towards It.

Find and invite tension into your decision-making process at the beginning. It will show up at some point anyway. If you really want to do something worthwhile, tension is table-stakes.

It makes good sense that we search for answers that promote stillness in our universe and don’t rock the boat too much. Our lives move at a maddening pace and we swim in an ocean of decisions to be made. We think that if we find that firm balance between two opposing ideas — where arguments cease and progress begins — then there is one less decision for us to make. We crossed something off of our list. We won.

But, if we’re honest, we know that the stillness never persists. Our once balanced decisions are always shoved off their footings. Circumstances and people change, and what is needed to support ourselves and others changes as well.

So, how can we create value out of tension, particularly amongst groups of people we work with? Here are 3 ideas:

1. Acknowledge and Amplify the Common Ground that exists between those that want one thing and those who want the other thing. There’s often a belief that admitting points of agreement is a weakness. That is a lie. Instead, it motivates the other parties to consider your point of view and brings them to the table to discuss what is actually true.
2. Encourage More Questions than Statements and More Listening than Talking. Adam Grant calls this “persuasive listening.” It encourages contemplation and each party to seek understanding of the other perspectives in the discussion.
3. Offer Multi-Dimensional and Systems Thinking. Choices are often looked at as binary — you either do this thing or you do that thing. But true decision-making processes need to consider the second and third-order ramifications. This allows involved parties to see themselves not as final arbiters of The Truth, but as stewards of the whole system of which the decision is a part.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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