By Understood
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Letting go of control can be scary for parents, but in certain situations, it’s okay to let your child take the lead. For 17-year-old Aurelia in California, making decisions about her own process really helped her find structure during the pandemic, and gave her a sense of independence. See what her mom and our expert Ellen Braaten have to say about Aurelia’s experience, and learn how you can help your child feel more empowered in their routine.
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
Welcome to “From Our Family to Yours,”
00:02
where we share relatable stories and helpful advice.
00:06
Hi, I’m Ellen from the Understood team.
00:09
Today’s story is about creating personal structure
00:13
and we’ll hear from both Aurelia
00:15
and her mother Kerstin in California.
00:17
Aurelia writes:
00:21
“I have adapted to remote learning
00:22
“by being more disciplined about my own personal schedule.
00:26
“I’ve learned that I function better
00:28
“in organization than in chaos.
00:31
“I need to keep my space tidy,
00:32
“especially when confined to a smaller space.
00:36
“Change is really helpful.
00:38
“I have rearranged my room five times
00:40
“since quarantine started!
00:42
“I also function better when I have a list to follow.
00:45
“It gets all out of my head and in one space,
00:49
“which helps me to not get overwhelmed.
00:52
“I break up the things I have to do
00:54
“into different categories
00:56
“and give myself a timeframe to complete those things.
00:59
“The categories are school, home, and self-care,
01:02
“which helps me to see exactly
01:04
“what I’ve been able to do that day.
01:07
“With self-care, it’s usually simple things
01:09
“like brush my teeth and eat,
01:11
“because every one of those little things
01:13
“are an accomplishment and still important to do.”
01:17
Boy, Aurelia brought up some really wonderful ideas
01:21
and things to keep in mind
01:23
that help us become more successful as students.
01:27
The act of writing something down is an important one
01:31
because it makes concrete the ideas
01:34
that we have in our head.
01:36
Having a list helps us have a black and white outline
01:41
of what it is that we want to accomplish.
01:44
Having a list is also wonderful
01:46
because we have it to refer back to
01:49
and we can then have a sense of what we’ve accomplished.
01:53
Aurelia also talked about the fact
01:55
that she has a lot of different categories
01:59
and categorizing things is a great way
02:02
of helping things be more manageable.
02:05
Things that she has to do in school versus social situations
02:09
versus at home, that helps us manage all
02:13
of those many things that we have to do in a given day.
02:16
Aurelia also mentioned how important it is to take stock
02:21
of some of those simple things you do every day
02:23
like brushing your teeth and eating.
02:26
It sounds like she’s really doing a great job
02:28
of taking charge of her own life
02:31
and having some sense of independence.
02:34
That’s really important for kids.
02:36
Now let’s see what her mom has to say about that.
02:40
So Aurelia’s mom, Kerstin, adds:
02:43
“Aurelia has struggled
02:45
“with organizing her thoughts and tasks and general focus.
02:48
“She has always had really good grades
02:50
“but she’s had to work so much harder to achieve them.
02:53
“She’s recently adopted a system of listing her tasks
02:56
“on something called bullet paper, similar to graph paper.
03:00
“The dots help her organize her thoughts in outline form,
03:03
“which seems to really help her feel
03:05
“less overwhelmed and scattered.
03:08
“Aurelia has adapted to using the bullet paper
03:10
“completely on her own.
03:12
“I’d never even heard of it before she started using it.
03:15
“It’s taught me that Aurelia needs the freedom
03:18
“to find her own way.
03:20
“Although I can help her learn the ways that I adapt,
03:24
“she has to discover her own processes.
03:28
“Slowly letting go of control was scary,
03:31
“but it is more beautiful to see my daughter flourish
03:34
“on her own without the need for my correction.
03:37
“I am most proud that my daughter
03:39
“has not let uncertainty stop her
03:41
“from following her passions.”
03:43
It’s wonderful to hear a story about a child
03:46
who’s allowed to take independence to the next level.
03:50
And Kerstin does a wonderful job in this story
03:55
of pointing out the difficulties that parents have
03:58
when they allow their child to be more independent.
04:02
You know, it’s scary to see your child be more independent
04:05
because there’s the possibility when you’re not in control
04:09
that they’re going to make some mistakes.
04:11
You, as the parent, can be there when your child
04:15
does make mistakes or makes a poor choice.
04:20
But on the other hand, giving them the opportunity
04:22
to find things that work well for them,
04:25
like Aurelia did with the graph paper that she used,
04:30
can really give them a sense of empowerment.
04:32
That’s so important, especially for kids
04:35
who have learning challenges.
04:37
Now, kids love to hear stories about their parents
04:40
and what worked well for them when they were their age
04:43
and also what they struggled with when they were their age.
04:48
Kids like to know that they’re not alone
04:51
and knowing that somebody else in the family
04:54
has the same thing or the same struggles that they did,
04:57
is actually very comforting for most kids.
05:00
So share your struggles and your successes with them,
05:05
knowing that sometimes kids might be reluctant
05:08
to take your advice, but giving them some options
05:12
and letting them know why certain things worked well
05:14
for you can be very empowering for them.
05:18
If virtual learning has positively affected your child,
05:21
let us know in the comments or send us a direct message.
05:23
Here are some important points to remember.
05:41
For more helpful stories and advice,
05:43
check out other “From Our Family to Yours” episodes.
05:47
Thanks for watching. See you next time.
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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