Finding Happiness as a Man

The idea of men and happiness has never been too tightly tied together. Men should work hard. Men should lead. Men should provide. Men are strong, stoic, and you can always lean on them. Are these descriptions of manhood wrong?

In short, no. There is nothing wrong with striving for these qualities. Where most mess up, is thinking that this is all they can be 24/7. They hide underlying issues with material possessions or short-term pleasures that don’t actually address the key issues in their life. They are not happy.

What Will Make You Happy?

So what makes you happy as a man? That isn’t an easy question and it is not one that others can answer for you. What brings you happiness is something you need to find out for yourself through introspection and exploration.

This is how I have found my own form of happiness, but that doesn’t mean I’ve reached some sort of nirvana and I’m constantly jumping with joy. Happiness, like all other emotions, is temporary. You need to work at it constantly to keep it. There is no such thing as an easy path to peace. When I learned to accept this and chose to dive head first into the goals, hobbies, and relationships that bring me joy I found my answer.

But that’s the trick! Happiness isn’t a trophy you get for winning a game. Life is more complex than that. Instead, happiness lives in the present, it lives in effort. Once you get that brand new car or fancy job you might be happy for a time. But that doesn’t last.

Happiness Is a Process

What personally makes me happy is the pursuit of my goals. Rather than looking at one goal as my end all be all, I choose to look at it as a milestone, a checkpoint. This implies that my journey isn’t done yet. It’s an achievement to look back on, a new entry in the epic story that I’m creating for myself.

Happiness is a process that you need to design, follow, and update constantly. Societal standards, social media, even the people closest to you might try and tell you something different.

“Happiness is Money”

“Happiness is Power”

“Happiness is Status”

I’ll spoil it for you, these are all dead ends. Endless pursuits that leave you feeling empty and lost. Because once you reach the top of the mountain where do you go from there?

The Second Mountain

I like to believe in the idea coined by David Brooks known as the Second Mountain. Brooks believes that what drives us as human beings is actually more holistic and not as self-fulfilling. There are only so many material possessions we can enjoy. So the concept of the second mountain is one of true importance and purpose that benefits others as well, not just yourself. It’s the idea that after we achieve such great success and material achievements, we still have much more to do. This is the time when we take a deep look at what we value and appreciate most in our life and see how we can improve and protect it. This can be any number of things. Family, business, health, whatever gives you that sense of fulfillment and most importantly growth.

Life doesn’t stop once you achieve your dreams, it keeps going. There is no game over. There are no roll credits.

So your only choice is to dream again, dream bigger, chase those dreams and repeat.  It is easy for men to find success and settle for the arsenal of temporary pleasures that come with it. However, true happiness is resilient and timeless, not fleeting. It is the satisfaction you feel when you look at the impact you have made on the world. The question is are you satisfied with the impact you have made so far?

Conclusion

There is not one simple answer for men to find happiness. We are all individuals who receive joy from different aspects of life. But by practicing deep introspection and working towards the goals that give us a sense of fulfillment we are able to create our own system for happiness that we can always rely on. Start thinking about the objectives you can pursue to foster happiness.

After reading this article and reflecting on what you value in life, comment a few things that make you happy. Big or small, it doesn’t matter. I want to hear from you.

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This Post is republished on Medium.

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Photo credit: iStock