Finding Light in the Darkness

As I tried to think deeply about life, I couldn’t find anything positive to write about. However, I decided to share these simple words about myself. I no longer want to surrender to the negative thoughts that have controlled me throughout my life. I want to be positive. I can see hope in each new day, and there are always bright sides, even in the hardest times. I will work on strengthening my positive thoughts and focus on the small blessings around me, the ones God has given me, which I only realized their value with time.

Although it’s difficult for my mind to always think positively, by the end of September, I was active, positive, and full of energy. I was working, studying, exercising, and eating healthy. I was optimistic about life, but deep down, I knew that I would soon face another episode of depression and lose control again. This is what makes me feel weak — the depressive episodes that I can’t control. They leave me self-blaming for days and tormenting myself with strange, negative thoughts.

My mind was in constant conflict between accepting failure and rejecting it. For example, today, I spent hours battling with myself to accept failure, my life, and to forget the past, but my mind simply refused to listen. I was angry all day. After taking some rest and a hot bath, my mind calmed down a bit, and I felt some relief. I managed to think positively again, even if just by 10%.

I should not have let my mind control my entire day, and this is what I’m working on lately: controlling my thoughts, rejecting all its negative commands, and focusing only on positivity.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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