While relationships can be a good thing for many people, ensuring it’s healthy and goal-oriented for both partners can be challenging. The reason is that nothing, not even relationships remains 100% all the time; there will be times when things don’t look so good and there are times when all is happiness and glamour. Acknowledging this truth in relationship dynamics is a sure way to help a person deal with any unforeseen circumstances.
This means that imperfections will always be there laced with negative emotions and even at times, negatively affect the relationship. While there is no manual for how to ensure a relationship stays healthy, there are some general and quite useful tips that one can engage to minimize the downtimes, cultivate a habit of avoiding challenges, and face them head-on when they come. Here are some important tips on ways that one can ensure they have a healthy relationship:
1. Creating emotional safety
Emotional safety is arguably the number one rule that couples should strive for. It is about creating trust with each other and also feeling safe with your partner such that you can be open and vulnerable with them. Without an emotional safety net, a relationship can quickly become dysfunctional and thus, unhealthy. Therefore, it’s always good to establish an environment of love grounded on trust and mutual vulnerability if couples want to have a healthy relationship.
2. Coping with personal insecurities
Often, people have insecurities, such as the need for constant reassurance and trust issues which are drivers for unhealthy relationship attributes.
As researcher, as well as clinician psychologist John Gottman, notes, the two primary insecurities that people need to get hold of and manage are fear of engulfment, which is losing one’s identity, and fear of abandonment.
The important thing is to manage such insecurities since they can lead to maladaptive behavior, such as poor communication which can anchor an unhealthy relationship. People need to manage what they feel and experience internally. This can help them relate positively and more openly with their partners.
For example, communication is key to healthy relationships. However, when an individual is grappling with fear of abandonment, they fail to communicate effectively leading to dysfunctional relationships that can often be emotionally abusive.
3. Stop dragging the past into the future
Everyone has a past that should remain there. I healthy relationship cannot possibly survive the nuances that come with comparisons from past engagements. Relationships are never the same since we experience people differently.
Therefore, it is important to respect your partner’s past life, especially intricate details of what their relationship was like with someone in their past. The reason is that past engagements can make one partner compare current status, treatment, and even romance.
This can potentially ruin the current relationship since some things will be good and others will be poor and this can be hinged on the current partner. The outcome is that the current partner may feel inadequate by comparison. However, if you feel that a past relationship or life is hampering the current one, it’s okay to find a constructive yet subtle way to discuss it with your current lover.
4. Being loyal and honest
Healthy relationships are built on the foundation of trust and loyalty. If one or both are broken, the relationship, even if it is restarted and all is forgiven, will never be the same. Lying to your partner will always make them second guess everything you say even if they have forgiven you. Always share the truth since misleading them may hurt them and compromise what they feel about you.
Cheating should always be something that never crosses your mind if you intend to have a healthy and lasting relationship. It’s the single most fatal deal breaker that can make the relationship dysfunctional and unhealthy, especially for the person cheated on. Be loyal, always say the truth and this will ultimately help you have a healthy relationship.
5. Allow your partner space and freedom
Yes, you may love and be protective of your partner. However, always remember from the word go that you and they are two separate and also very different people. This means that both of you have goals, ambitions, interests, and even hobbies and friends that you don’t want to bring into the relationship.
Often, individuals tend to restrain and even monitor their partners, making them feel like the partner is untrusting or wants them to live a fake life. It is good to respect your partner’s private life as well as allow them to have the freedom to do what they want without micromanaging and monitoring them. Let them be, just like you would want and this will ultimately strengthen your bond.
Wouldn’t it be lovely and exceptionally convenient if there was a manual for relationships and even marriages? Well, no such thing exists. However, you can easily follow some simple yet universal principles to establish a healthy and lasting relationship with your partner. These can range from having emotional safety, dealing with personal insecurities, leaving the past in the past, being host and loyal, and lastly, ensuring your partner has the space and freedom they need.
With these tips and many more, it becomes a surety that although your relationship will not be perfect, at least, you will try and steer that ship in the best direction for both of you.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Jonathan Borba on Unsplash
