Through my twenties, I believed that I could have a life with only joy and no pain, with only success and no failure, with sole acceptance and no rejection. It took me years to find out that it was impossible.
Every time I say or do something, there are an infinite amount of choices that I must renounce to say or do it.
Life is a compromise; there are costs and benefits to everything I say, do or strive for.
Sometimes these costs and benefits are not always immediately apparent. The benefits are immediate, while the costs are located in the distant future.
Other times the costs or gains are more subtle and psychological. Nevertheless, there is always a trade-off.
I used to make bad decisions simply because I was terrible at objectively assessing risks and rewards.
While I will never eradicate bad decisions from my life altogether, I can become aware of them and deal with them appropriately.
A good decision is risking a little to create the opportunity to win a lot.
A wrong decision is risking a lot to create the opportunity to gain a little.
What am I willing to give up at any moment for something better in the long term?
What is “something else” worth pursuing?
These questions are at the core of what I struggled with for many years.
While it’s true that if I am not making many mistakes, I am not challenging myself, I have learned that five questions speed up the process and minimize my suffering and that of others.
I call them the five stages of execution in human behavior, and it is five simple questions I ask myself before doing anything and everything I do.
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The First Stage; The “What”
In the first stage, my only focus is on the What.
I spend the first 25 years of my life here.
My focus was on What to do, focusing on finishing the activity, and very rarely on the how.
In this stage, I didn’t question how I should do things.
I focused on making money, consuming, and repeating at the end of each month, not improving my skills to add value.
Continuously operating life from what was not only wearing me out but was a limiting belief and approach to life.
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The second stage; The “How.”
In the next and second stage, I start to see and focus on both the what and the How, but still fail to see the why.
Here I start to focus on How I am doing things, but I am still unaware of why I am doing them.
One day I saw a quote from Roy T. Bennett that blew my mind:
“To have what you have never had, you have to do what you have never done.”
The words lingered in my mind for weeks, “To have what you have never had, you have to do what you have never done.”
I had never truly focused on the How, and I had no idea where to start. Still, I was so intrigued by the idea of acquiring something I never had that I began to Focus on How, and I began to experience deep satisfaction in all areas of life.
It quickly became evident that How is a journey rather than a destination or a result.
When I focused on the How, I became thrilled to be present and started enjoying it more.
I found myself being more engaged and wanting to do more deliberate work.
The How of everything quickly became my path in life because, in the end, it’s all about learning faster and gaining experience to share it with others.
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The third stage; The “Why”
In the third stage, I am already practicing the What and How and now start to reflect on the Why.
I start to question my Why, meaning:
Why am I doing this?
What are my motives?
How is this useful for me and others?
Is this aligned with my values?
Before asking these questions, I felt lost in life. Always chasing the next thing, the following product or service that could distract me from asking the most important question of all:
Why am I doing this?
When I know my life’s purpose, it’s easier to focus on what’s most important in my life.
He who has a WHY to live can bear almost any how.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
A clear and well-formulated Why not only keep me focused on a specific goal, it also enables me to find my direction and keep myself away from distractions.
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The fourth stage; The “When”
In the fourth stage, I start to identify and think more about the When.
Here I start to see patterns related to timing.
I recognize that When I do things and in what order can be crucial for the result.
Timing is everything. With the right timing, I can accomplish more in less time, thanks to reducing friction. It is, therefore, an essential aspect in many eras of life, from relationships to productivity and business.
Timing is essentially the consideration of other events that can significantly affect the desired outcome.
In the fourth stage, the experience at hand, How I execute it, Why, and When are now coming together, and I can see the relationship between the four, but I still haven’t incorporated the last crucial aspect — The Who.
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The fifth stage; The “Who”
And the fifth and final stage, I bring the fifth player into the game, the Who.
The question of who can help me achieve this is now entering into my thinking, and I start to seek coaching and support outside myself.
My ego is minimal, and I am going from a transactional human being to a relational human seeking as many Who’s in my life as possible.
For years I was stuck in a how mentality, instead of asking the optimal question was;
Who can help me achieve this?
I now adopt these five stages and everything I do in my life:
-What am I doing?
-How am I doing it?
-Why am I doing it?
-When Should I do it?
-How can help me achieve this?
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Summery
The benefits of applying the five stages of execution in human behavior are apparent.
When I start to live my life with a sense of meaning, I start living more positively and exploring new opportunities.
I begin to notice how all the five stages make a difference in my life and how my relationships are positively affected when I integrate all of the five stages.
I seek new interactions, cultivate existing ones and develop stronger connections with the people around me.
I become more supportive of the people around me and a role model for my family and friends.
It helps me live with integrity, live value-based life and stay focused and passionate about my goals.
When I apply the five stages of execution in human behavior, I find that I live in the flow of the universal stream of consciousness.
I am allowing change to happen in my life rather than consistently fighting against them.
I often find myself challenging myself more and less frequently, giving in to my fears.
I live my life with more curiosity, staying away from destructive habits and seeking out good habits that help me make a difference in the world.
So if you’re still looking to make changes in your life, don’t put it off any longer.
Identify at what stages you are living most of your life right now and make the transition to start living in the last three stages when executing all of your behaviors.
Here, you will find the peace and tranquility that comes from engaging in these crucial questions.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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