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So I hear a lot about food with kids. We have had our own little fights with food as well but having been able to manage the major issues fairly well (within a few weeks of adopting) I don’t pretend to be an expert but I do find it interesting. The things you will hear the ‘experts’ say are:
- Let them eat whatever they like
- Make sure they eat lots of good food
- Being fussy can lead to eating disorders
- Skipping meals makes kids fat
- Children naturally like sweet food
- Too many sweet foods are bad
- Veggies are good
- Too many veggies may inhibit growth
Is anyone else confused? So I have made a quick broth of the most recent research (2000 or later) adding some roughly chopped logic and seasoned with common sense. My kids think it looks ‘different’ and won’t eat it.
- Kids learn from you. Not just what you eat but how you eat. Think about how and when you snack and what you snack on. If you are saying one thing to kids and doing something else they will know.
- Using control factors on what children eat can work really well in moderating diet (i.e. You can’t have dessert until you have had something healthy/finished your dinner) but is far less effective when used to moderate other behaviour (be ‘good’ and you will get sweets). Don’t get me wrong you might get good behaviour but it may sabotage your healthy eating efforts later. Research here.
- Kids need more sweet things than you do and tend to naturally like them. My personal view is for all food you should do a little calorie to nutrition ratio calculation. This means that despite fruit (and fruit smoothies) getting bad press for adults recently they are OK for kids (but not in adult portions). Your kids are perfectly normal if sour or bitter flavours aren’t for them. I have also noticed from other people that overly smokey or musty flavours (blues cheese, mushrooms) aren’t often liked and this most likely has an evolutionary basis — one man’s delicacy is an others’ spoiled food.
- Kids won’t starve. Assuming you aren’t being neglectful they’ll eat enough food to stay healthy it takes a lot to override their natural instincts.
- With this in mind don’t let kids call your bluff. If you have made a meal you fully expect them to like and they’re refusing to eat and only want ice cream (or whatever) dig your heals in. If they miss one meal they won’t starve. If they say they’re really hungry later you may want to give them a healthy snack but not after you have talked about expectations at dinner tomorrow and forever (and maybe make it easier for them to keep to their promise the next day, but not too easy)*
- Negotiation is fine but not at the dinner table. You will know your kids, if you ask them what they would like (i.e which veg they prefer) or how hungry they are ahead of time (for some kids this is pointless) you can then put out a meal that is right for them and can be more confident that insisting they eat it isn’t being an ogre.
- Whilst we are on the topic of parental guilt I would recommend giving kids a daily vitamin as soon as they are old enough. This isn’t really about nutrition. If they have anything like a balanced diet and a normal appetite they are probably getting their nutritional needs. But parental (particularly middle-class) guilt is an amazing thing and this simple act can make you feel a whole lot better about the one meal a week that’s chicken nuggets and chips or takeaway.
- This one was a revelation to me: Kids don’t have the vocabulary that we do and will err on the side of caution. When they say they ‘don’t like’ or ‘hate’ something you need to explore do they really not like it, as in they couldn’t eat it, or it more of a case they are hoping this very a strange food will go away and be replaced by chicken nuggets.
That’s it for the moment. I may add more but I also welcome other suggestions in the comments. I don’t think there are any rights or wrongs when it comes to food as every child is unique. By equally I don’t think children are born fussy – they learn it and if at most mealtimes you are finding yourself cajoling every mouthful, something has gone wrong.
* = you may think this sort of post-meltdown analysis will only work with older children but I have successfully used it with a 3-year-old so give it a try. A subject for a future post I think.
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Previously published on Medium.com and is republished here under permission.
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