The majority of relationships out there end up in a breakup.
It’s a lot that we start to think staying in a long-term relationship has become such a privilege. It depends on our luck in finding the partner to settle down with.
But in reality, it’s far from it.
When a relationship is ending, there’s always a reason behind it. And too often, people don’t realize their own behavior that could sabotage their relationship.
1. Not respecting their partner’s boundaries
Having boundaries and standing by them is a big deal in a relationship. It’s the main foundation on how to keep your relationship healthy.
But as you may already guess, too many people don’t realize it enough.
They think being in a relationship means the two individuals would become one. And when their partner finally asks for space, they get so defensive.
They try to play the manipulation game to keep their partner close to them. They refuse to take responsibility for their own feelings and bad behavior.
Eventually, when you’re dating someone like this, you’d feel mentally drained and emotionally depleted all the time. It’d upset you how none of your boundaries are heard or respected by someone who claims they love you.
2. Too many incompatibilities
Some people think chemistry doesn’t matter because it’s all about the practical stuff if you want to have a long-lasting relationship.
And the others think about having great chemistry is what truly matters.
What about the balance between both? Having someone who’s practically compatible with you and you like to spend your time with at the same time.
What happens when one of them is missing is that you’ll start doubting the relationship you’re in. Because let’s be honest, that honeymoon phase will slowly fade away and the reality will soon hit you.
That’s why you’ll see people call it quits when they’re in one or two years in because they then realized there are too much of incompatibilities between them.
“We are no longer on the same page” is what they’ll usually tell you.
If only they took a little bit more time to see if the person is right for them and not rush into a committed relationship, they’d have saved a lot of time.
3. Micro-cheating and hiding little things from their partner
Would you stay with someone who keeps lying to you? Of course not.
Unfortunately, this is also the main reason why people walk away from their relationship. It’s one thing to get cheated on but it’s another whole different level when they’re playing with you emotionally.
Micro-cheating is another game in modern dating where the person you’re dating isn’t fully cheating but their behavior still hurt you just like any other betrayal.
It’s like you know deep down this person is already stepping his left foot out of the door and waiting for the official breakup with you.
Some people got too scared to get hurt so they’d be the ones who break the relationship.
This micro-cheating behavior reminds me of my first ex who hid things from me and I’d caught him flirting with other girls.
When being confronted, of course he didn’t admit anything because again, it’s not technically cheating.
But sneaky behavior like that is what hurt people the most.
4. The drop in the number of efforts to keep the relationship going
Many also walk from a relationship because it’s either their partner is no longer interested in putting the effort or they themselves grew out of it.
We all have an idea of what a perfect relationship looks like. Depending on where you’re raised and the environment you’re in, can determine whether what you believe in is true or not.
For all my teenage years up to my mid-twenties, I was so damn sure that a healthy relationship shouldn’t require any work because love itself would be enough.
I grew up with that idea and those who I’ve seen quitting their relationship always told me that real love should be effortless.
No, real love shouldn’t be effortless. It still takes a lot of work to keep it going.
So when one stops caring and showing up, it’s no surprise that the relationship relapse.
The Bottom Line
We’re told throughout our lives to not quit — even if that place we’re in no longer brings us happiness and peace of mind.
But I’m here to say that it’s okay when your relationship doesn’t work the way you want it, it’s okay if you’re the one who called it quits.
It doesn’t make you a bad person. You don’t owe your ex-partner a big apology if they’re the one giving you the reason to leave.
Sometimes the best time to find yourself is through pain. And walking away from something that hurt you and put you down is a big start. Only then you’ll know what real love is.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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