Sometimes you feel like diving into a deep, dark hole after a breakup. You feel you’ll never meet anyone again, and actually, you have no desire to meet someone. You just feel pretty much done. The idea of dating again is not desirable, and if it is, it’s totally overwhelming.
Keeping going after a breakup isn’t easy, but there are some ways to manage the pain.
Managing the pain does not mean deadening it. Drowning yourself in too many negative behaviors like drinking, binge-watching Netflix, or having lots of anonymous sex actively works to prevent you from doing the thing you need to do. Feel it.
I know, it sucks. But you’re going to keep avoiding and avoiding and avoiding—and then end up letting it all out at a very inopportune moment.
Why not take charge of your stuff?
I’m not saying a night on the town is a bad thing, but be aware of your impulse to squelch all of that all the time. The impulse to regularly numb yourself.
You’re going to feel it sometime. If you begin to let it out now you have a better chance of it not taking control of you later.
Reconnect With People
You’re out of a relationship, but it’s time to remember that you have other people in your life who love you. They won’t know what to do, they won’t know whether to call or not, to text you to hang out or not.
Tell them. Even if it’s to go to a buddy’s house and playing video games, just do something so you’re with other people.
Sometimes friendships get lost in the shuffle or seem to be less prioritized during a relationship. Reach out to those people and check in. Apologize if there’s been a breakdown in your communication and let them know you want to work on that now.
And if you find yourself in a place where you’ve let all those friendships go or that your friends were your ex’s friends, then it’s time to make new ones. Get on MeetUp, go to a pub quiz night, join a softball team.
In the words of E.M. Forster, “Only Connect.”
Reconnect With Yourself After a BreakUp
And while you’re making sure you’re taking time to be with friends, also make time to be alone.
When you’re coming out of a break up it’s easy to forget that there was a “you” that wasn’t part of a couple. It’s easy to forget all that you have to offer.
Take this time to get to know yourself so when you’re ready to date again you have a better idea of who you’re looking for—and are braver at showing who you are to the next lucky person.
Don’t let anyone tell you to just “buck up” after a breakup. Ending a relationship, whether it was your idea or your ex’s, is hard. It hurts. It causes you to question so much and it’s a huge life shift. Take care of yourself by not losing yourself in mindless anesthesia. Reach out to people who you care about and who care about you. And take the opportunity to re-get to know yourself.
It’s ok to take some time to grieve. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Originally published on Park Slope Therapist
Here are more ways to become a part of The Good Men Project community:
Request to join our private Facebook Group for Writers—it’s like our virtual newsroom where you connect with editors and other writers about issues and ideas.
Click here to become a Premium Member of The Good Men Project Community. Have access to these benefits:
- Get access to an exclusive “Members Only” Group on Facebook
- Join our Social Interest Groups—weekly calls about topics of interest in today’s world
- View the website with no ads
- Get free access to classes, workshops, and exclusive events
- Be invited to an exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” with other Premium Members
- Commenting badge.
Are you stuck on what to write? Sign up for our Writing Prompts emails, you’ll get ideas directly from our editors every Monday and Thursday. If you already have a final draft, then click below to send your post through our submission system.
If you are already working with an editor at GMP, please be sure to name that person. If you are not currently working with a GMP editor, one will be assigned to you.
Are you a first-time contributor to The Good Men Project? Submit here:
Have you contributed before and have a Submittable account? Use our Quick Submit link here:
Do you have previously published work that you would like to syndicate on The Good Men Project? Click here:
Join our exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” — where community members are encouraged to discuss the issues of the week, get story ideas, meet other members and get known for their ideas? To get the call-in information, either join as a member or wait until you get a post published with us. Here are some examples of what we talk about on the calls.
Want to learn practical skills about how to be a better Writer, Editor or Platform Builder? Want to be a Rising Star in Media? Want to learn how to Create Social Change? We have classes in all of those areas.
While you’re at it, get connected with our social media:
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
Photo credit: Shutterstock ID 1015505023