Give Flowers

Who’s giving us our love? Who’s giving us props? Who’s giving us our flowers?

By human design, we all yearn for acknowledgement for who we are and what we do. That being said, I hope that in the bigger picture, who I am and what I do is meaningful to me and to others. Perhaps, that makes a difference. Maybe.

I do what’s meaningful not for recognition, not for acclaim, not to get flowers. Werner Erhard said that when we get that we choose who we are going to be at any given moment, then making a difference becomes our authentic self-expression. So, who needs flowers? Just asking.

In Aikido, I apply the Aikido technique to myself whether that’s ikkyo (wrist lock) or iriminage (clothesline to the head). The attacker and attack are irrelevant. I don’t look at the attacker. I match up the attack in my attack. When I defend against the attack, I can be defeated.

I enter the attack and die with honor. I’m in the center of the attack, in the center of danger. I get under what I fear. I release my fear within me. It’s me against me. I overcome myself. Whatever props or flowers comes in getting out of my own way, getting over myself.

In over 25 years of training with the late Mizukami Sensei, he never said, “That’s awesome.” Yeah, I knew when I fucked up by the look on Sensei’s face. When I failed, I got back up. I listened from mushin (empty mind), brought nothing from the past, nothing from what I thought I knew. That was my training in humility.

I practiced Aikido technique over and over and over and over again. Sensei said, “Make it work.” I transformed from regenerating Sensei to generating myself, creating the technique from nothing, from mushin. I reinvented the technique as my own. Sensei said, “Have no preconceived notions.” I reinvented myself, too.

Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free

When I executed iriminage properly, Sensei said, “That’s it. Do it again.” I got it. I just trained. As I evolved, Sensei often said, “That’s it.” His authentic acknowledgement. By definition, not everything can be the best. Not everything can be awesome. Still, I can be as authentic as can be. Make it work.

The late NBA legend Kobe Bryant said, “Failure excites me!” In failure, in losing, Kobe got what he had to work on next. When I fail, when I fall, I get back up. I learn from my failure. I put in the work. I don’t need ubiquitous praise or pretty flowers to do what I must. Just train. It’s not like I have to get somewhere or be someone else. I reinvent the greater-than version of me.

Yeah, I say, “That’s awesome.” way more than I should. In Aikido practice, I waited out the jo (wooden staff) attack from Ishibashi Sensei. The late Mizukami Sensei had taught both Sensei and me. I took a glancing blow and struck Ishibashi Sensei with my jo. Sensei smiled, “That’s it.” I smiled, too. That was meaningful. More than getting flowers.

To give flowers or not to give flowers, that is the question. As a little boy growing up at home, Dad was constantly angry at me for whatever I did or didn’t do. I got that I was an utter disappointment to him. It would have been nice to hear Dad say, “I’m proud of you.” Or “That’s good.” No, that wasn’t gonna happen. Consequently, I grew up yearning to please everyone, get their approval, get their props, get some flowers.

Aikido Founder Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” It’s really me against me. I overcome me. I work on becoming greater than I am now. That’s on me. No props. No flowers. Just train.

I work to become the better person, the greater man. In that bigger picture, I give myself flowers. We all do. We work on ourselves. We put in the work. We give ourselves flowers. Just saying.