Go Out by Yourself

Are you terrified of being seen out in public alone? Afraid people might look at you and think you’re some weird, sad loner with no friends? Because who eats alone, right? Or goes to the movies by themselves?

Me, that’s who. And you should, too.

I love going out to eat alone. I can pick where I want to eat, where I want to sit, and how long I want to stay. I’m a notoriously slow eater. I apparently don’t care if my food gets cold.

This is also why I adore cold brew coffee: I don’t have to wait for it to cool down to drink.

I savor every bite and I like to linger.

Going out to eat is an event for me, not a mission. I’ll bring a book, grab the local weekly and my notebook, sit and read, write, people watch and daydream.

How does that not sound like heaven?

I couldn’t give two shits what anyone else might think of me while I’m sitting there by myself. Alone doesn’t mean lonely.

I’ve been single most of my life and there was no way I was ever going to put my life on hold because I didn’t have some man to share it with.

I’m not denying myself a fun and fabulous meal because some dude isn’t there to lovingly gaze at me or ignore me while reading the Phoenix New Times.

When you go out alone you don’t have to compromise with anyone. Everything is done your way: time, location, length… that’s pure freedom, right there.

I’ve gotten in the car and headed down the PCH into Malibu and stumbled upon the cutest, non-trendy seafood place next door to a cool and creepy abandoned motel.

You bet your ass I pulled into that eatery, picked out the best gingham tablecloth adorned table with an ocean view, and ordered up some fish tacos.

I owned the world that afternoon

Imagine if I’d felt too embarrassed to be seen alone, too fearful others might think I was lame or sad and pathetic, especially in such an image-conscious place like Malibu.

I would have missed out on the food, the view and the wonderful opportunity to sit with myself and enjoy my own company.

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If you can’t enjoy your own company you really can’t expect anyone else to.

If you’re that anxious about being out alone you’ve really gotta sit down, alone, and ask yourself why.

Why do you feel you aren’t good enough? What is it about yourself you feel isn’t worthy of taking that time for yourself? And really, what are you avoiding examining about your own life?

Go To The Movies Alone

That’s right. Do it. And love every second of it.

I’m not going to let the fact none of my friends want to see the same movie I do stop me from seeing it. Hell no.

Show up early, pick your perfect seat, grab your favorite snacks, stay through every last credit, or walk out halfway through because it sucks.

Do all of this without having to take anyone else into consideration.

Pure unadulterated freedom.

Power. Confidence. Awesomeness.

Go Shopping Alone

I love thrift store shopping and taking as much, or little time as I want. I can stop in every shop and boutique, smell all the candles, try on all the jewelry, fondle all the pretty clothes, sample all the perfume, and be done when I want to be done.

And what is this, class?

Freedom. Power. Confidence. Awesomeness.

The older you get, the less your friends will be available to hang out. It’s just the Sick Sad Truth. People get in relationships, have kids, careers, other obligations.

I’ve watched most of my friends disappear into coupledom and early curfews. Plans with me were ditched when an apparently far more important opportunity to “hang out with my hubby” came up.

Kids get sick, sitters bail, parenthood is exhausting. I get it. Didn’t ever make it hurt much less, but I get it.

So my options were to stop living life because no one was available to join me, or embrace myself, my time, my desires, and forge headlong into doing what I wanted, when I wanted, with no reservations.

I chose the second one.

Being coupled up shouldn’t stop you from doing things on your own. You can still love go out to eat, see a movie, thrift store hunt, browse the bookstore, all by yourself.

Spending time with yourself isn’t punishment for being single and something you give up once you’re not.

Me Time is an attitude, a mindset, a belief that what you want and who you are is valuable on its own. It’s not a placeholder, void filler, or a thing you do until “something better” comes along.

Me Time is a celebration of having control over your life.

Me Time is saying “I matter. Period.”

In a world that only seems to grant you value once someone approves of you by entering into a relationship with you, flip them the bird and stand proudly on your own.

You don’t need another soul on this planet to validate your worth.

Now, go grab lunch, hit a matinee, and score some thrift store owls I will gladly accept via US mail!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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