Growth Comes With Pain or When Seeing Pain

There is an old saying that people do not change until they are forced to change. Humans are hard headed people. We often get complacent and we get stuck in our fixed mindset.

We lose sight of the bigger picture.

We slide away from living a rich life by thinking about “the good ole days”.

We get stuck in a career rut and wake up one day realizing we forgot to grow in our career.

Enter, Pain.

Pain brings us back to our true north. It can refocus us.

It can remind us of our “why”.

***

A few months ago I lost a good friend to a long fight with terminal cancer. He was one of the greatest up and coming young men I have ever gotten to share life with.

I went through an intense period of pain. I remember waking up in the middle of the night wondering if I should just pack up my bags and go home.

At the peak of this thought process, I reflected on who he was as a man, friend and as an athlete who pushed the limits and who stuck to his values.

The next day I was expected to hold a practice for my football team to prepare for the final season tournament. We were tied for the top spot in the league and had gained a ton of momentum in the latter part of the season to bring to the playoffs. In a moment of clarity I realized that even though I was in pain, my friend would want me there coaching my boys to a win.

In that pain I went to work, did my job and at practice I decided to tell my players all about my friend and his passing. I told them that I was here because he would want me here coaching these young men instead of crying on a 16 hour plane ride home. I wanted my boys to know I stood with them and that they should not take any game they play for granted. It was a powerful moment that the boys will likely never forget.

The boys played their hearts out for him in the tournament and ended up drawing in the semi finals 1–1 with a school known for its strong athletics program that was double our size. It was a huge victory for my boys and an incredible victory for my school.

Why do I tell you this?

Because growth can happen in pain. Sometimes pain can be so overwhelming that it takes a hold of us and throws us for an unexpected journey. If not contained, pain can destroy us. But if you choose to learn lessons from pain you will grow. Pain can bring people together. Pain reminds us not to take any day for granted.

There is a great story Joe De Sena tells in his book, “Spartan Up” about an athlete who continued to compete in a down hill skiing competition after breaking her rib in the first heat. She pushed through the pain and raced a second heat before racing again in the finals to capture a bronze medal. When they interviewed her she noted that the pain she felt of her broken rib tearing through her body during the three heats was not nearly as bad as the pain of all her training.

In pain, she grew. She pushed her limits and captured the bronze.

I want you to take a moment to reflect on a period of pain in your life. How did you feel during this chapter? How did you grow from being in that chapter? If you are still in that chapter, how is it teaching you new things about yourself that you never knew?

My thought for you today is this. Life is going to knock you down. It will mess you up. it will not choose to cause problems in just one area of your life at a time either. Events will happen all at once. You will truly hurt. You will feel pain. In that hurt and pain I want you to ask yourself, “What lesson can I take from these emotions right now? How can I use this hurt to help me do something I was not capable of doing before?”.

—

This post was previously published on Medium.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything