Relationships form the basis of a happy and healthy life. They can be with friends or with someone special. In all cases, for relationships to be successful, we must first figure out how we feel about ourselves and what we want to put into and get out of our personal connections. It’s not as easy as it sounds. It takes thought and a knowledge of self to produce a set of guidelines that eliminate wasting our time with people who either don’t fit our needs or poison our spirit. We want people around us who add emotional support to our lives and enhance our life overall.
Will there be problems? You bet. However, anything is surmountable if you’re able to communicate, collaborate, and develop options without accusations, blame, and other abusive and demeaning behaviors. This requires trust which is the basis for openness. To give yourself the best possible chance of finding relationships that have the best possibility for a positive outcome, here are guidelines that the Goodmen Project Sex and Relationship Social Interest group, moderated by Nina Rubin, developed.
Relationship goals
I want to add to someone’s life as much as I want them to add to mine.
I want to be with someone who pushes me out of my comfort zone to enhance the experience for both of us.
I want to have a relationship that is constantly evolving in a positive and rewarding direction.
I want relationships that make me smile, look forward to each connection, and wish our time together were longer.
Potential relationships:
I want people around me who are insightful and reflective.
I will replace ‘energy vampires’ with people who feed my soul and spirit.
I will go with my energy and be with people who give off positive energy.
I want to be with people who can communicate with clarity and without abuse.
I want a relationship with someone who verbally expresses that they care for me.
I will listen to my intuition.
Relationships in process
I won’t stay in a relationship with a person who gets angry as a default way of dealing with problems.
I won’t second-guess myself anymore, but just in case, I will sit with doubt for 24 hours to assess it’s truth.
I won’t concede on traits I want in my life so I don’t have to talk myself into and out of a relationship.
I won’t remain in a “love” relationship with someone who does not enjoy physical affection or sex.
I won’t remain in a relationship with someone who is abusive, or lies, or cheats.
I won’t remain in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make time for me.
Partner Relationship longevity
I will learn how to share love in a way that my partner recognizes.
I will only remain in a relationship where my partner and I learn and grow together
I will only remain in a relationship where my partner and I feel better for being together than not.
I will take care to validate the other person’s effort and make it a great moment together.
Permissions to self
I give myself permission to end a relationship that is not working for me even if no one else sees a reason.
I give myself permission to be in a relationship without being sidetracked by what other people think.
I give myself permission to commit to helping the relationship work if I see my partner is committed to making it work.
Personal commitment
I am willing to consider and try adjusting behaviors if it means being with my partner of choice.
I am willing to give my partner of choice the opportunity to adjust behaviors to increase compatibility.
Now what? Life is an endless source of surprises. However, nothing changes if we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to break out of our daily grind. A smile. A chance encounter. An opportunity ignored. We’ve all been there. To move forward, now that you know what kind of person you’re looking for, you must talk to people, engage in conversation. Any salesman will tell you, success is in the numbers. The more people you meet and talk to, the better your chances are of finding satisfying relationships.
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Carol Bluestein lives in Slingerlands, NY and is the author, C.L. Bluestein, of three published fiction/thriller novels in the Seduction Series: #1-SEDUCTION: Love, Loss, Leverage, Murder (2015), #2-PERCEPTION: Love, Loss, Leverage, Murder (2016), and #3-ISOLATION: Love, Loss, Leverage, Murder (2017). She is the author You Want Me To Do What?, a contemporary presentation of the Exodus story which, through a series of interfaith play-lets, lets participants walk in the sandals of our ancestors: free download at http://www.CarolBluestein.com
She is a member of the International Women’s Writing Guild (IWWG) and a contributor to The Good Men Project.
In addition to her written work, Bluestein’s expressed her entrepreneurial skills in Arts Management, Computer and Business Consulting, Teaching, Public Speaking, and Professional Photography. Her hobbies include #RESIST, gardening, improv, designing and executing functional and decorative projects in wood, metal, cement, and mixed media. She is surrounded by family and two rescued schnoodles.
