Hard Truth: They Don’t Always Come Back Around

You’ve likely heard the saying, “they always come back around.” Although many exes do come back around over time, the hard truth is that they sometimes don’t.

Let’s take a closer look at why hoping for your ex to come back around can be such a toxic thought process and might not result in the outcome you’re hoping for.

Age-Old Advice That’s Only Sometimes True

Relationship experts often say “they always come back.” And honestly? A lot of the time, that’s true. Your ex will likely miss you, and at some point, you’re likely to hear from them again.

But the heartbreaking reality is that this isn’t always the case.

Sometimes, it depends on the circumstances of the relationship. If someone cheated or if your ex moves onto another relationship fast, there’s always a possibility that your ex might not reach out again.

It’s often hard to imagine, especially if you’ve had other breakups that resulted in your ex coming back around. But as hard as it is, sometimes the last time we hear from an ex is the last time we ever hear from them again.

Is It Likely to Work Out Even If You Get Back Together?

It’s important to keep in mind that even if you end up hearing from your ex again, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll get back together.

Research shows that almost half of all couples who breakup will get back together. Although there’s a nearly 50% chance that you and your significant other may get back together, there’s more than a 50% chance that you won’t.

Another study also found that 30% of people get back with their exes after a breakup, but only 15% stay together in a lasting healthy relationship. To put that into perspective, out of 100 couples who break up, only 15 couples will get back together in a long-lasting relationship.

Keep Their Motives in Mind If They Do Reach Out

It’s important to keep your ex’s motives in mind if they do reach out. Have they actually taken time to reflect on the breakup and make any necessary changes to improve themselves and, ultimately, the relationship? Have they taken time to work on the way the two of you will communicate going forward? There are situations where time apart is the break we need to figure out how to move forward with the relationship in a positive way.

Manipulators, narcissists, and people with other toxic patterns of behavior often come back, but it’s not in the way we want or deserve. Sometimes, the entire reason we hear from an ex is because they just want to hookup or want to keep us on the backburner. Even though they don’t want to be with us, they also want to let us go. So they keep us around for security purposes. They breadcrumb us, giving us just enough attention to keep us interested in them — without actually wanting to make any type of commitment to us.

Remember That You Deserve More Than Breadcrumbs

The last thing you want is to be someone’s back-up plan, if they don’t find someone who they deem to be better or more worthy of their love and commitment. You don’t want to be their Plan B, their last resort. At the end of the day, you deserve so much more than being breadcrumbed by an ex.

Is It Even Worth Giving It Another Try?

Even if your ex wants to work it out, the big question is: do you want to get back together? Or will it be a waste of time? Sometimes, saying goodbye to someone forever is like ripping off a Band-Aid. Deep down, we know we need to let go — but the process of moving on is a painful one.

Focusing on the Present and Not the Future

If you’re hoping to get back with an ex, it’s important to remember that this mindset can be unhealthy or even toxic. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is focus on living in the present. There’s no guarantee that your ex will come back around in the future. And even if they do, it might not result in the outcome you’re hoping for.

At the end of the day, it’s also important to ask yourself: do I want to be with someone who is okay with being without me right now? Hoping that someone will change or that they’ll want us again can lead to unhealthy, obsessive thought patterns, and it might even result in toxic behavior on our ends. It can cause you to shut down other options because you have your heart set on the one person who has exited your life — and might not even return.

The Bottom Line

The reality is that they don’t always come back around, no matter how badly we hope they will. If you have your heart set on getting back together with your ex, all of this might be hard to hear and even harder to accept. But the sooner you accept this, the sooner you can move on with your life and make room for the love you actually deserve.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***

From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

***

Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.

All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.

A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.