Having a Separate Life from Your Partner’s Might Actually Save Your Relationship from Crashing

New relationships can make you feel inseparable from your partner. You are excited and curious about each other. You want to spend every minute with them. Some may adopt their partner’s interests and hobbies to please them.

In my experience, even the strongest relationships can feel a little suffocating when you and your partner are connected 24/7.

There are times when you grow apart from your partner. Maybe he got a promotion and has become preoccupied with work. You try to keep yourself distracted from his lack of affection, focusing more on yourself and exploring new ideas in your careers.

You notice the space between you two grows wider by the day. You live like two strangers sharing one apartment. You hardly sit and eat together because your work schedules don’t align. Either he’s working late and leaving for work early or you are.

There is no time for conversation and special dates are completely off the table. Even the sex feels awkward because you try to make the most of the time you have when you are together.

At a point, you may adopt your partner’s hobby or interest to feel more connected with them. But in the process of reconnecting your lost love, you lose yourself instead. You forget who you are, allowing your partner to influence your uniqueness.

So how do you rekindle an old frame without losing yourself?

Each couple comes to their own style of balance in terms of their time spent together. Although being inseparable isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as long as neither partner is giving up their individual goals in the process.

No matter how much you love someone, having your own life and being your own person separate from them is still important.

However, if your connection to your partner is starting to dwindle, these five steps will help strengthen your bond while you keep pursuing your separate goals.

Pretending to like the things you hate

We have all been in a situation where we pretend to like our partner’s favorite food, music or style just to impress them. But living a lie can make the situation worse down the road.

Also, it will make you feel like an imposter. You will get choked and wear out, eventually. It’s great if you have something in common with your partner. However, it’s very important that you have your opinion too.

So instead of pretending to like the things your partner likes, find something you share in common and devote your time doing it together.

Traveling alone for fun

I get why you think traveling alone to distract yourself from the inattention you feel is a good idea. However, spending more time by yourself will only create more distance between you two.

Relationships are built with memories. Although, traveling occasionally with your family, friends or by yourself can be healthy for you, however, when there is an existing breach in the relationship, your solo travels should be put on hold.

Most people use work as an excuse to stay emotionally detached from their partner but yet they make time to have affairs outside their primary relationship. So if your partner isn’t making time to rebuild the connection you once had, then it’s obvious they don’t prioritize you.

But if he is committed as you are to working things out, take some time to travel together. With a new environment, new meaning will enter into your lives and improve your intimacy for the better.

Have a hobby separate from theirs

Let’s admit the truth here, shall we? You don’t like hanging out with his nerdy friends. You don’t like his sports and games. Heck! You don’t even like that grey mini skirts he makes you wear because he finds you sexy in them. You don’t like the things he likes and that is okay!

The nice girl in you thinks you should do these things you don’t like to bond with him. You desperately want something in common with your partner so you kick your better judgment out of your head. That’s pretty harsh, don’t you think?

You kicked a part of you away and that’s unfair to you. You know it because you feel it too. So stop treating yourself unfairly. It’s time you put your interest first. Having too many separate hobbies is bad for your relationship. But having one or two separate hobbies is definitely healthy for you and the relationship.

Even if you don’t like all his hobbies, there must be one you will find fun doing with him. Take a kin interest in that one and build your connection from there.

Celebrate milestones together

I’m too bad at remembering dates. So bad that it makes people I love feel unappreciated. If I tell you I literally forget my birthday, you do think I’m making that up. If you’re like me, surprising your partner on anniversaries or on special dates often ends up in a disaster.

However, I found a way to escape the guilt whenever my bad habit gets boasted. I make a list of all the things my partner likes and I update that list from time to time. When I go shopping, I pick up a few of the items and hide them where they can’t find them.

For the events I remember, I mark them in my calendar, a day before and on the D-day. If I want to throw in some spark to the celebration, I will have the gift delivered to the person on that day with a special message attached to it.

But since I’m more likely to forget even when I mark it on my calendar, When my partner reminds me of the occasion, I go to my treasure box and pick out one of the gifts and give them.

I don’t attach meaning to stuff like celebrating valentine’s day, and anniversaries but if your partner does, it won’t be a bad idea to enjoy the celebration with them.

Resolve conflicts like adults

No relationship is perfect. At some point, you will have conflicting interests and opinions. However, dealing with it alone might not be the best strategy if you’re hoping to rebuild the connection in your relationship.

When you process conflicts separately you don’t resolve the problem because you don’t know what your partner wants and the compromise they are willing to make.

You might think you are saving yourself from uncomfortable discussions that will trigger heated arguments, but for most people, they feel their opinion is neglected and that can build resentment and your relationship may never recover.

No matter how much distance you’ve grown from your partner, make out time to discuss your problem. Express yourselves, how you feel, what you need, and the changes to be made.

Talking to each other is the only way to know that you’re on the same page and able to work through things together. Working through conflict as a team can bring you closer together, as well.

Parting thoughts

Believing in the concept of soulmate and twin flame complicates relationships. Your life’s purpose is to be your true self when you find your soulmate and not to lose yourself when you find them.

You should live your life individually, doing everything you like, and teaching yourself lessons solely to make your life flourish and express itself in the fullest form.

Don’t try to be a wannabe to please someone. Don’t force your partner’s choices upon yourself.

Not living like an individual when you are in a relationship reduces your significance as you will be seen as ‘just’ a partner. Start living your life as a whole human being. Whatever is meant to be will stay with you for your authenticity.

Believe that your true love is enough for this relationship to last long. One-sided partnerships don’t work if your partner is dependent upon you for their egoistic desires.

Don’t settle for a clingy and hovering person, whose love is a form of dependency. With emotional, mental, or financial dependency, you end up being too vulnerable. You are not a means to end the lack your partner feels inside, and neither are they. First, complete yourself and then love from a place of fulfillment.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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