Healthy Long-Term Marriages Are Really Rare Statistically

Friends and family in my inner circle are beginning to get divorced.

Some have been married for a decade, others for five years, and some for only a year.

Even though they cared about their partner and were initially in love, the marriages became unhealthy or toxic. Yet even before reality came crashing down, the odds weren’t in their favor. After all, with half of first-time marriages ending in divorce, it’s unsurprising that most of us are not in good relationships even if we don’t leave.

However, the number of healthy and happy marriages is even lower than I would have initially guessed.

Researchers estimate only 10% of marriages in the US are healthy and happy,

Knowing that the odds are not necessarily in our favor, what can we do to keep our marriage healthy and happy?

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Shift your mindset toward being thankful.

The day-to-day annoyances can be exhausting. Does your partner snore or forget to put away the dishes sometimes?

Trust me; I get it.

However, the truth is that we all do things that annoy others or have quirks that we overlook within ourselves.

On the days when you are frustrated and about to blow a gasket, take a moment and paint this picture in your mind. Imagine what life was like before your partner and everything they added to your life. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, and remembering that we are not immortal can help us start practicing thankfulness for our partners.

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Encourage instead of focusing on the negative.

Imagine that your partner wants to start working out more regularly but is struggling to get into a routine.

Even though they have a gym membership, they need to make working out a habit, so they begin working out 20 minutes a day at home.

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Now, imagine if, in those beginning stages, you went up to them and started scolding them about how they should go to the gym and they’re wasting money.

When someone starts something new, they need encouragement, no matter who they are. Don’t be a roadblock in your partner’s life. Instead, tell them that they’re doing great and encourage them. Your support can be the catalyst that pushes behaviors and dreams over the edge.

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Express when you don’t feel appreciated.

Birthdays are a big deal to me. They’re a time when I love celebrating them for friends, and ever since I was a child, it was a time of year I loved.

Although my husband knows this, he forgot my birthday this year. He is incredibly thoughtful and caring, always plans something/is incredibly sweet with gifts, so it was very off-brand. His work has been highly demanding lately, and I knew it was at the forefront of his mind.

Instead of getting angry and losing my temper, I sat down with him a few days later and explained how important birthdays are to me and why my feelings had been hurt.

He completely understood and immediately started to feel bad. Still, I reminded him that communicating these feelings would prevent resentment and simply made the joke, “We have a lifetime of birthdays together.”

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Acknowledge that long-term relationships/marriages are a journey.

Naively, in the beginning dating stage, I was under the incorrect assumption that there will come a point when my husband and I can coast.

That is never going to happen.

Relationships, marriages, all of it is a journey. There will never come a point when you don’t have to put in the effort if you want it to be a healthy and (primarily) happy partnership.

I say primarily because hard times will challenge both of you. However, by being mindful of how you treat each other and investing thought and time into growing and nurturing your relationship, you will be equipped to face those stormy times together.

A scary statistic shouldn’t scare you, instead, weaponize it as yet another reason to prioritize your partner and your relationship as one of the most critical parts of your life.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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