The self-help/personal development space is MASSIVE.
And it’s growing every day.
Especially since the pandemic when people lost their jobs or realized they didn’t want to do what they’ve been doing and want to do something else.
The number of coaches, “experts,” “thought leaders,” “influencers,” and “gurus” has exploded exponentially.
Everyone else is making a killing being a coach, so why not give it a try?
Some niche down and focus on specific clients, while others speak to a broad audience.
The advice, tools, tips, and steps are the same regardless of the audience.
And the truth is, there’s a lot of great and valuable content.
The flip side of the coin is there are also a lot of awful things about the industry that, as someone who’s involved in the industry, I deplore.
I decided to expose the dark side of the personal development space in the hopes of helping people make better choices.
Here are the 13 things the “gurus” don’t want you to know.
Hyper Focus on Positivity:
There’s a lot of material promoting positivity at all times. This denies a considerable component of the human experience; sometimes, things suck.
And it’s okay to feel down, angry, ashamed, guilty, embarrassed, jealous, or whatever.
If we deny our emotions, we deny a part of ourselves. How will we ever accept ourselves fully, deeply, and implicitly if we deny a piece of what makes us, us?
How will we ever feel whole?
They’re Parrots:
Many coaches coach from a playbook.
They rely on readily available information and merely regurgitate it, sometimes not even altering it into their own words.
You can find most of what they teach online with some focused searches.
There’s little genuine thought leadership (see #10).
They Rely on Your Low Self-Image:
This is a sword that cuts two ways.
Many coaches prey on people’s insecurities; they hit them where it hurts to get their money.
Secondly, they rely on the unwillingness of people to say the program they invested a ton of money into sucked.
People don’t like admitting they made mistakes and will go as far as to lie to themselves that it was worth it.
They want to feel like they made a good choice.
This allows crappy coaches to keep selling their crappy programs.
It’s All a Funnel:
Their content/programs are designed to suck you deeper into their ecosystem. It’s all a taste, a primer, leaving you hungry for more.
If you want to know more, buy this course, then this one, then this…
They’re more interested in building their audience to suck more people into the ecosystem than actually helping people.
Don’t believe it? See #2 – If they were interested, they’d create more value.
Empty Promises/Guarantees:
To stand above the growing noise, many make promises/guarantees they can’t possibly keep – usually targeting the opposite of their potential client’s insecurities.
Example: The magical 10k month is being touted like crazy on social media.
“If you follow my tactical steps, you’ll make 10K+ guaranteed.”
The steps may work.
But suppose the client is trapped by imprisoning beliefs (they don’t feel worthy of 10k+).
No tactical program on the planet will outmaneuver that belief.
They’re Scared:
The online coaching space is transforming.
It’s becoming harder and harder to acquire clients; revenues are dropping and will continue to do so.
I see people I know very well in the space who are highly established and successful, operating out of fear and focusing on fluff marketing instead of valuable coaching.
They’re less willing to be authentic and add true value.
They Chase Trends and “Shoulds”:
Trends:
Many coaches follow trends and what’s hot.
I told a self-professed reinvention “thought leader” how important self-trust is to me.
They replied, “Oh, that’s good because self-trust is really hot right now.”
Self-trust isn’t something that runs hot or cold; it’s always required to create anything extraordinary in our lives.
Shoulds:
A self-professed expert in fear, with a big following and a seemingly successful business, told me they only do workshops because their coach told them this was the easiest way to make money.
They weren’t interested in helping clients, only their wallet and fame.
Lack of Empathy:
There is a lack of empathy in the space because it can be highly ego-focused. Putting one’s brand above the issue removes empathy.
If you put yourself on a book cover, it’s about you and your brand. There’s nothing wrong with it; just acknowledge it.
People seeking solutions are vulnerable and often hurting in ways we can never know.
Current model: Brand >Empathy
A solution-focused model: Empathy > Brand
They Rely on “Book” Learning Only:
Many believe reading something once and having a cursory intellectual understanding is enough.
There’s a difference between understanding something intellectually and embodying it emotionally.
True transformation requires experiential and emotional wisdom.
Reading $100M Offers once doesn’t make you an expert.
They Fake Thought Leadership:
Referring to yourself as a thought leader doesn’t make it true.
Thought leadership isn’t the regurgitation of ideas and quotes.
Anyone can Google or leverage AI and repackage ideas and quotes in a pretty marketing box.
Here’s a critical component of genuine thought leadership:
The process of taking existing ideas/quotes and transforming them into something new and novel through experiential wisdom and sharing the journey through that process in a way that inspires others to think differently so they can effectively integrate the material into their lives.
A funny trend I’ve noticed on social media:
The people who say they’re thought leaders regurgitate ideas/quotes in pretty packaging.
The people who create and transform ideas and add genuine value don’t call themselves a darn thing.
There’s No Formula, Silver Bullet, or Magic Elixir.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that there is. We want there to be; it would make life easier.
That’s what our brain wants -it’s an efficient machine designed to seek and find patterns and efficiencies to make our survival possible.
But, no matter what someone may tell you and how copies their book may have sold, there’s no magical solution.
See #3
They Buy Recognition:
Many coaches “Pay to Play”.
You can buy your way into media, you can buy awards and recognition, and you can buy your way onto the best-seller list.
Good marketing? Perhaps.
Great coaching? Not necessarily; when a coach buys their way onto something, it becomes more about their insecurities and ego.
Don’t believe the hype.
PS: I was guilty of this. I was an “Executive Contributor” selected for my “expertise” and my almost $1,000.00.
I felt slimy and won’t ever do it again; it’s antithetical to my beliefs.
Phony Altruism:
“I give 99% of my content away for free.”
No, you write 99% copy to entice people to your paid offer.
You’re not doing it out of the kindness of your heart; you’re doing it for the expansion of your bank account.
Nothing wrong with this; don’t bullshit about it.
Also, most of that 99% isn’t valuable; it’s the tip of the iceberg – that leaves the consumer hanging – and leads to #9.
***
It’s a courageous decision to seek help to improve our lives.
It requires vulnerability and acknowledging we can only take ourselves so far when we would love to venture so much further.
Investing in a program transcends finances (which can be substantial); it’s a mental, emotional, and spiritual investment.
It’s also an investment of our most precious, non-renewable personal resources, our time, energy, and attention.
When we’re in pain or desire more, we make decisions from that emotion, hoping we can feel differently than we feel right now.
Before investing in anything, consider these 13 points and return to neutral; decide from a place of discernment, not pain.
Regarding my 13 points:
Do you agree/disagree?
Would you add anything?
I’d love to know your thoughts.
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